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Poems for Strangers who I Know

This morning I sifted through a stack of old, abandoned notebooks in which I used to scribble and found a series of vers libre poems filed under the organizing principle “Poems for Strangers who I Know.” I probably wrote them 5-6 years ago and I’m 99% sure that they’ve never seen the light of day (and there’s a probably a reason for that, but whatever. We tend to lose our shame as we age.)

Man on Fort Point Channel Bridge

You walk faster than me, and you never carry an umbrella.
You are bothered by a little rain, tiny drops
Flecked into your matted gray hair,
Targeting your eyes.
But when it pours, you relax your neck, and streams
Run down your face onto the floppy collar
Secured around your neck.

Woman with Sunglasses on the Red Line

You always have a seat in the morning. You
wear a variety of sunglasses with darkened frames.
You sit with precision and boredom, as if daring
the train to crash.

Man Behind the Counter at Central Convenience

You punctuate every sentence with the word “Boss.”
“Good morning, Boss.” “Yes, Boss. “Thank you, Boss.”
I think you are Indian.
You look happy as hell to be selling me chocolate.

Woman with the Leather American Flag Jacket

You work in the copy shop downstairs. You sit outside
next to the doorway of the fire stairs, with
a steaming cup of coffee and smoldering cigarette,
your Leather American Flag Jacket loose
on your boxy frame. You’re a stranger who I know
who I want to know better.

Man at the Harvard Coop Bookstore

You sit in an arm chair, your girth folded
over a book. You read. You turn pages
gently. All the world’s a library,
and all men and women merely commas.

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Fed Up

About a month ago, the naked and bound body of a 51-year old part-time census worker in rural Kentucky was found hanging from a tree in a cemetery with the word “fed” scrawled on his chest in magic marker (here). This story shocked me, which is saying something, because nothing shocks me anymore. Like, I was totally unfazed by the whole Balloon Boy saga, in which an idiotic fame-seeking hick perpetuated an ill-conceived media hoax that unraveled due to Balloon Boy himself buckling under Larry King’s gentle probing. Surprised by Balloon Boy? Hell, I’m surprised this sort of thing doesn’t happen with clockwork regularity.

But I am haunted by this dead census worker, killed and hung naked from a tree. It suggests that Red State discontent — stewed under a fire of conservative media, tea parties, and townhall meetings —  is bubbling over into murderous rage. It signifies a muddled, schizophrenic embodiment of “patriotism” that I frankly find terrifying. It harkens lynching. What next, will postal workers be run out of town by venomous mobs? Will burning crosses appear on the front lawns of meter maids?

The FBI is investigating whether this census worker was a victim of anti-government sentiment. Well, it’s either that, or, um… oh heck. I can’t think of a goddamn reason, not even a snarky jokey reason, why someone would hang a census worker and scrawl “fed” on his corpse except for anti-government sentiment coupled with mental derangement, paranoia, and old-fashioned violent tendencies.

In Massachusetts, we don’t have this mentality of lowly government workers being tentacles of the beastly leviathan that is the Federal government. Rather, we see lowly government workers as former D students who cannot be entrusted to consistently exercise good judgment, intellect, or creativity and thus must be restrained by a sprawling bureaucracy that functions quite like a straight-jacket.

But Kentucky, we understand that you’re different. You don’t like the Federal government, with all their fancy “questions” and “statistics.” You don’t want the Federal government sticking their noses into your household to see how many people are there, and how old they are, and if they are male or female, because that’s an invasion of your privacy. But do you have to go and kill the census workers? Can’t you just pretend not to be home, like the rest of us?

Posted in Americana, In the News.

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Take this Job and…

I’ve been dropping hints around it for a few months, but it’s official: Today I accepted a full-time job as a documentation manager for a software company that develops literacy software. Yea for career advancement, personal fulfillment, groovy co-workers, and a brand new Volkswagen Jetta for my suburban commute. (Boo for no more Fridays off.)

My new gig starts in mid-November, but today I alerted my consulting gig of my decision to leave. They countered with an offer for a full-time job, which I immediately rejected, though I offered to continue after-hours consulting in the short-term to get them through upcoming releases. Why not, right? My schedule isn’t batshit insane enough. I’ll sleep when I’m dead.

By the way, my new title – “Documentation Manager” – may imply that I will be managing people, but no. I will be managing documents. (Which are much easier to manage than people, incidentally, because you can burn them and they won’t scream.)

Posted in The 9 to 5.

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The Fruits of Our Constipated Eggplants

This year, our tiny backyard garden produced many heads of crisp n’ tart lettuce and a bumper crop of sweet n’ juicy tomatoes. However, our eggplant crop was atrocious, probably due to the plant’s delayed move from the seed-starting pots to their final resting place in the garden. We should not have waited until the first week of August. The seedlings’ diligent growth in the hot sun seemed promising, but alas, blooms did not appear until Labor Day. And though the warm weather held up through September, the eggplants seemed reluctant to yield any fruit. Then, last week, we noticed a deep-purple bulb cowering under a mess of floppy leaves, and another one on a neighboring plant! Two eggplant fruits, round and squat rather than oblong and smooth, harvested from a total of eight hardy-looking eggplants that are now in bad shape after last Sunday’s snowy Nor’easter.

Honestly, these eggplants don’t look right to me. They look as if they came from very constipated plants.

The Fruits of Our Constipated Eggplants

The Fruits of Our Constipated Eggplants

Posted in Existence.

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Barbara Ehrenreich Wants You To Stop Thinking Happy Thoughts

Last week I went to see the celebrated writer and activist Barbara Ehrenreich (best known for Nickel and Dimed, her undercover exposé on minimum wage living) talk about her new book, “Bright-sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America” (here on Amazon). Yes, that’s right, someone finally wrote a book about the banality of positive thinking. So flush the happy pills down the toilet and get in touch with your inner sourpuss!

The fact that this sounds so evil only supports Ehrenreich’s contention that America’s insidious “mandatory optimism” has turned us all into soul-leeched smile zombies (my words, not hers). As Ehrenreich said, “People wonder how I can take a stand against positive thinking. It’s like taking a stand against world peace, or motherhood, or Ellen DeGeneres.” (Actually, I’m sure thousands of God-fearing Americans would take a stand against Ellen DeGeneres, but they probably weren’t sitting in the audience at the Brattle Theater in Cambridge, Mass.)

But what Ehrenreich argues against is not positive thinking per se, but the ideology that everyone must be happy, and if you’re not happy, something is wrong with you. Ehrenheich’s crusade against the cult of positive thinking began when she battled breast cancer in the early 2000s. She was angry, because she wanted to know why she got breast cancer, she wanted to know why the survival rates are dismal, and she wanted to know why the treatments are so horrific. But what she got from the cancer support groups were pink ribbons, teddy bears, and reassurances that positive thinking could cure cancer, a claim that Ehrenreich says is unsubstantiated by research (and substantiated somewhat by the fact that Ehrenreich survived breast cancer despite not viewing cancer as a “life-changing growth experience.”)

Ehrenreich began to notice this “happiness industry” that uses positive thinking to prey on people, emotionally and monetarily. From “Life is Good” t-shirts to inspirational knickknacks to motivational speakers to self-help books to megachurches, all of these speak to the belief that there is not problem that cannot be solved by changing your thinking. Need a job? Positive thinking! Need money? Positive thinking! Have cancer? Positive thinking!

She holds up George W. Bush as the perfect example of the dangers of optimism. GWB could not stand to have pessimists around him, he dismissed generals who warned about possible doom in Iraq, and he ignored any hint that the economy could collapse. Bush just beamed optimism. Even when his Presidency was in shambles, he remained convinced that history would vindicate him, which is so optimistic as to be batshit delusional.

What Ehrenheich advocates as an alternative to optimism is not pessimism, but realism. Realism won’t make you happy, but you can’t have happiness without it. If we truly want to alleviate poverty and unemployment, we have to stop hoping it will get better and start making it better. If we truly want to help cancer sufferers, we have to stop waving around commercialized pink ribbons and start asking tough questions about the causes of cancer. America has an international repetuation as ‘artifical optimists,’ but as Ehrenheich jokes, “I’m positive that we can overcome it.”

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Mounts Wildcat 4422′ (Oct 16, 2009), Carter Dome 4832′, South Carter 4430′, and Middle Carter 4610′ (Oct 17, 2009)

We are on the cusp of attaining our long-held goal of hiking all of the White Mountain 4000 Footers thanks to the weekend’s propitious trip to the Carter Notch Hut, when we bagged 4 of the remaining 5 peaks. Now, only one 4000 Footer remains: The rugged, beautiful, elusive Bondcliff, which, barring a freakish heat wave, will have to wait until the spring. Our gear has reached the limit of its effectiveness in the wintry elements; hiking season has ended.

We made the reservation at Carter Notch Hut last month, a crap-shot in terms of the weather, but the huts are popular this time of year because they are “self-service,” meaning that you must pack in all of your food and bedding. Not fun, but the cost is only $30/night. Mr. P has vacation days to burn, and my Fridays off may shortly come to an end, so we left for New Hampshire on Friday morning to allow plenty of time to summit Wildcat Mountain that afternoon.

We took the Nineteen Mile Brook trail to Carter Notch Hut, an easy 3.7 jaunt with some patchy ice and snow. No one was at the hut, not even the caretaker, which was sort of worrisome, but we claimed our bunks in the unheated bunkhouse, ditched our food and stuff, and set off to summit Wildcat Mountain. It was a 1-hour near-vertical hike to the summit.

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Summit of Wildcat Mountain

View of Carter Notch Hut from Wildcat Mountain

View of Carter Notch Hut from Wildcat Mountain

We returned to the hut. Still, no one else was there. We ventured into the kitchen and fiddled around with the stove to boil water for tea.

Carter Notch Hut Kitchen

Carter Notch Hut Kitchen

The sun was setting and the cold was beginning to permeate the unheated hut. Finally a young man burst in, out of breath. It was the caretaker, full of apologies. It turned out that we had arrived in the window between caretakers’ weeklong shifts. He told us that we were the only guests on Friday night, but a full house of 40 was expected on Saturday night. I had a hard time picturing 40 people in the main hut; no wonder it was nicknamed “Cozy Carter.”

Cozy Carter

Cozy Carter

The caretaker made his dinner, then Mr. P and I heated up the stew that we brought. Perhaps because there were only two guests, the caretaker didn’t light a fire, so we were already pretty chilly when we headed to the bunkhouse. It was about 20 degrees when we jumped into our sleeping bags. I was so cold that I opened a pair of handwarmers to restore feeling to my appendages.

“Mr. P, did you hear about how those people died in a sweat lodge ceremony in Sedona last week?” I ask as I pressed the hand warmers into my numb feet.

“No,” he answers. “What’s a sweat lodge?”

“It’s like a really intense sauna,” I say. “The Native Americans did sweat lodges as a ritual, and now New Age people seeking spiritual and physical health  pay thousands of dollars to sit in a cramped, hot, steamy room and sweat profusely.” Pause. “Doesn’t that sound heavenly?”

“Mmmm-hmmm,” Mr. P says.

“I’d rather be in a sweat lodge than a shiver hut,” I add.

We woke up the next morning at 7:15, alive. After breakfasting with the caretaker, we set out on our 9.4 mile trek across the Carter range.

First up, Carter Dome. The air was crisp and cold, but we warmed up quickly on the steep climb out of Carter Notch.

View of Carter Notch Hut and Wildcat Mountain

View of Carter Notch Hut and Wildcat Mountain

Summit of Carter Dome

Summit of Carter Dome

There was a smattering of past-peak foliage in the lower altitudes. The contrast between the autumny copper and the wintry white was beguiling.

View from Carter Dome

View from Carter Dome

Next up was the minor peak of Mount Hight, which is touted as having the best views in the Carter Range because of its unobstructed view of Mount Washington and the Presidential Range. Lovely Alpine Zone scenery, too.

Mount Hight

Mount Hight

Mount Hight's Alpine Zone

Mount Hight’s Alpine Zone

View of the Carters from Mount Hight

View of the Carters from Mount Hight

We continued onto South Carter. We had a hard time finding the summit, but then Mr. P spotted a tiny wooden sign on a tree.

Summit Mark for South Carter

Summit Mark for South Carter

The day before, when we were driving towards the White Mountains, the snow-covered peaks loomed above the leaf-covered trees like ghosts. We couldn’t stop marveling over the beauty of the day.

The Presidental Range

The Presidental Range

Near Middle Carter Summit

Near Middle Carter Summit

Summit of Middle Carter

Summit of Middle Carter

We were making incredible time on our hike. The snow and ice was a little cumbersome, but we wore microspikes on our shoes, and the snow actually helped us walk easily on rocky paths. We made it back to the hut at 4pm and decided to hike back to our car and drive home. After the previous night of sleepless cold, we needed a good night’s sleep.

Before we left, we stopped in the hut for a hot tea and a nip of whiskey, and promptly fell into conversation with a group of eight 50-something hikers who brought up ten bottles of wine and wanted to share. They were hilarious and outgoing, and we had to tear ourselves away from them. But we had our warm beds on our minds…

Posted in 4000 Footers.

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apppppple picking!!!

Some months ago I wrote about how I get a fair amount of email for other Meredith Greens, because I hold the coveted Meredith Green [at] gmail [dot] com address. The emails continue to roll in, at least 3-4 per week, sometimes more. In fact, I have a theory that the Meredith Green in the Washington DC metro area is attempting to takeover my email address by freely giving it out to all her friends and colleagues, hoping that I’ll buckle under the sheer amount of non-spam spam and surrender it to her. Which might be the fair thing to do, since I’m not even Meredith Green anymore and whenever I give someone my email I have to explain that I still use my maiden address. Which makes me sound… I don’t know, noncommittal?

Anyway, today’s mis-sent missive (below) is a doozy. Of course, I’m an old-fashioned grammar snob who would sooner paint her face red than allow anyone to see a piece of writing that has not been proofread against the Chicago Manual of Style, but Jesus Christ. Show a little pride in your written expression.

Equally incomprehensible to the text of the email is that a person with such a freakishly undeveloped grasp of basic written English participates in crunchy yuppie frippery like weekend apple picking. Shouldn’t she be shoe-shopping? But, I guess since the author is befittingly unemployed (recession do tend to thin the herd), then apple picking would be, liek, !!!

Subject: apppppple picking!!!


hey guyssssss! (+ meredith and issamu whose emails i dont know)(+anyone else, like tom, etc)- plus i talked to some other people about it but was getting it set up first

LETS go apple picking!!!! I have touched base with most of you and sounds liek most people are free. would saturday or sunday be better? I am open to either day. we could all meet at my house before driving out. i have been looking at a few that are pretty close down 66. plus i thought we could then make late lunch reservations or take picnic food or something.

this one: http://www.striblingorchard.com/map.html is liek 50 minutes from my house but looks super nice. and there are a few others in markham, va. http://www.pickyourown.org/PYO.php?URL=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.hartlandorchard.com

anyway, probably you guys are too busy to check through em bu ti am looking for closer. i have a second interview, very close to a job! just let me know when works!

theres like a 40% chance of showers both days….but if we dress appropriately still fun1!

shannon


Posted in Existence.

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Meditations on Cat Food

I’ve been feeding a neighbor’s cats while she is on vacation. There are four cats. One of the cats has asthma and requires twice-a-day medication, so I must go in the morning and in the evening in order to mix her kitty meds with wet cat food. I try to spare an extra 5 minutes to play with the feline herd by dragging dangly toys along the ground, to mimic the movement of mice. Although the cats watch with interest, they would no sooner pounce on the “mouse” than I would hunt and spear a piggy bank.

There is something uniquely repugnant about wet cat food: The visceral smell upon opening the can, the squishy noise it makes as I mix in the powdered medicine, the slimy trace of congealed liquid left in the can that I must wash out so it can be recycled. My mind can’t even fathom the depths of the industrial food chain from where wet cat food comes. Below fast food, below USDA school lunches, below prison food, below Denny’s, there is a grade of meat made entirely of animal byproduct and presumably not fit for human consumption. But for kitty…

catfood

I wonder if the cats can discern a taste difference between the Gourmet Turkey Cutlets and the Roasted Beef Feast. Are they particularly gratified when I serve the Chicken Liver Supreme? Incidentally, it seems unlikely that, in nature, a cat would ever have the opportunity to eat cooked cow, turkey, or even chicken. You know the old joke… why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food, anyway? (Oh, it probably is mouse-flavored, but not on purpose.)

One flavor is chicken and rice, and has actually rice grains floating in the fatty brown sauce. No way! Cats eat rice? Given my own current awareness of the diet that the human body evolved to eat versus the diet that human adopted upon the dawn of agriculture, I feed rice to cats with a little reluctance. Would you give bread to a lion?

But the cats eat it up, voraciously, determined, their little tongues and jaws attacking the meaty paste with primal vigor, shattering the stereotype of the finicky cat, and purring all the while with great yulping breaths in between bites. The table manners of a true carnivore.

Posted in Existence.

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Airport Peep Show, Starring… You

There are few dignities afforded to airplane travelers these days. When they arrive at the airport, they are practically shoved onto the curb by friends or family members who are anxious not to loiter long enough to incur the attention of a self-important TSA traffic enforcer. Those guys tote guns, you know, and they’re jumpier than a truck load of starvin’ kangaroos.

Passengers are then herded like cattle through an airport security line, where they must remove their coat, their shoes, their belts, and their jewelry, and bare their toiletries in 3-ounce increments. That’s right, World, I use face wash for oily skin. Let she who is without pores cast the first stone.

If you are suspicious or just unfortunate, you are selected for extra scrutiny at the hands of a wand-wielding Transportation Security officer, who may opt to do a pat-down inspection that includes ‘sensitive’ areas of the body. (The underwire on my bra sets off the hand-wad every time and no one seems concerned. I guess the girth of my chest isn’t of suspicious proportions.) People dread the pat-down, but I suspect it’s not because their personal space is being violated by a joyless stranger. I suspect it’s because it makes them unjustifiably feel like criminals when all they wanted to do was go on a business trip or a stinking vacation.

After airport security comes the purgatory that is the gate, where travelers are faced with a host of uncertainties. Will the plane leave on time? Will I make my connecting flight? Will the plane drop into the ocean without warning, explode into a fiery inferno, or be beset by a flock of lethal birds? Will that fat guy over there eating the pungent Italian sub be my seat mate?

When and if boarding occurs, passengers are squeezed like factory-farmed chickens into cramped, often-smelly spaces with barely enough room to raise their elbows while mal-nourishing themselves on blast-chilled food that was reheated in the airport, driven across tarmac, and reheated in an onboard oven. (Unless, of course, you’re a front-of-the-plane passenger, in which case you’ll be luxuriating in wide seats with personal armrests and full horizontal recline and feasting on truffle-studded veal Orloff and Grand Marnier gâteau. But just remember, rich boy, planes don’t back into mountains.)

How could air travel possibly become more demeaning? How about… naked x-rays! Yes, in an ironic bid to make air travel less demeaning, the Manchester International Airport in Britain has unveiled a full-body x-ray scanner that essentially allows a security screener to see a three-dimensional naked picture of the passenger, with a “clear outline of passengers genitalia, as well as any false limbs, breast enlargements or body piercings” (here). Says an airport official:

“Most of our customers do not like the traditional ‘pat down’ search… This scanner completely takes away the hassle of needing to undress. The images are not erotic or pornographic and they cannot be stored or captured in any way.”

Well, when you put it that way,I guess the naked x-ray scanner is the prime choice for prudes, but maybe it’s a matter of taste, and it really comes down to which method you find less intrusive and demeaning: Getting patted down by a stranger, or having your naked body ogled by a stranger. For safety’s sake.

Looking for Guns, Finding Poor Muscle Tone

Looking for Guns, Finding Poor Muscle Tone

Posted in In the News.

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Mount Isolation 4004′ Oct 11, 2009

Mount Isolation. Now there’s a mountain that lives up to its name. The easiest route to the summit clocks in at around 14 miles, which is a hike, indeed. Given that the terrain is largely flat, it’s an entirely feasible trip to accomplish in one day, but only if said day starts near the trailhead. And since Columbus Day weekend is prime foliage time, even the shack motels in the White Mountains are booked solid with leaf peepers from around the world. $125 to sleep in a smelly room that hasn’t been updated since the 1980s? Why do that, when sleeping in the woods is free?

Thus, we decided to break up the hike to Mount Isolation by backpacking and spending Saturday night in the woods. We left for New Hampshire before noon on Saturday, underestimating the impact that the leaf peepers would have on the traffic, both on the highway and on the local roads in the White Mountains. The full extent of leaf mania was made clear to us when we rounded a curve on I-93 and there were scores of people milling around the side of the highway and traversing the two lanes in order to take some pictures of peak foliage. Crazed leaf peepers, risking their lives on an interstate highway to snap low-quality digital pictures of some red and yellow leafs!

I don’t understand leaf peepers: Why would you want to drive around looking at leafs, when you can take a walk in the woods? You can gaze at a canopy of leafs above your head as they wink in the wind, tread upon a soft bed of freshly-fallen leafs, and even use them as toilet paper.

Walking in the Leafs

Walking in the Leafs

So although we didn’t start hiking until 3:30pm, it was okay because we only had to hike 3.7 miles to Rocky Branch Shelter #2, where we’d spend the night. I was nervous that the shelter would be full and we’d have to find a campsite for our tent, but it turned out we were the only people crazy enough to want to spend the night in 30-degree temperatures. We pitched the tent on the shelter platform, reasoning that the tent might retain some of our body warmth.

Rocky Branch Shelter #2

Rocky Branch Shelter #2

By 6:30pm, we were already pretty cold, so we decided to eat dinner. Dehydrated backpacker food: Mr. P had a hearty concoction called Chili Mac, while I had dehydrated eggs with a chopped-up avocado. By the time we finished dinner, cleaned up our stuff, and hung our packs on a tree branch, I was more than ready to abscond to the relative warmth of my sleeping bag.

I don’t know what time I woke up, but it was the dead of night. It seems that the dehydrated eggs had turned my normally-iron stomach into jello. Not to be too graphic, but my body wanted to expel the eggs by any means necessary. Up or down, either route would do. Yet the eggs did not move, they stayed lodged in my digestive track, causing hours of turmoil as I lay in my sleeping bag, sleepless and uncomfortable, with ice cold feet and clammy hands. Mr. P dozed beside me, his bear-like snores both a comfort and a taunt.

In the morning, when I “woke up” (a term used loosely, as it implies substantive sleep), it was snowing. Not hard, but resolutely and with patches of stickiness on the rocks and logs. We decided AGAINST our planned breakfast of dehydrated eggs, and opted instead for salami. Then, we consolidated most of our stuff into Mr. P’s pack, which we hung back in the tree so we could summit Mt. Isolation unencumbered.

Hanging the pack

Hanging the pack

Nice hike to Mt. Isolation. It took less than 4 hours from and back to the shelter, an easy trail but with quite a bit of water and mud on parts of the trail. And about a half-dozen river crossings, ugh.  Oh, how I loath skipping across a raging brook on wet, uneven stones with mud-caked boots and a sleep-deprived sense of balance. But we made it to the summit without a dunking. We were alone of the summit of Mount Isolation, which felt appropriate, and quite cold.

Summit of Mount Isolation

Summit of Mount Isolation

View from Mount Isolation

View from Mount Isolation

Mount Isolation Summit Cairn

Mount Isolation Summit Cairn

And now… leaf porn for any peepers out there!

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