As the Thanksgiving weekend winds down and the door-busting Black Friday sales abate, I urge America to make haste to the malls, the shopping centers, the internet commerce sites, and shop yourselves into a frenzy. Buy more than you think you need. Buy indiscriminately and lavishly. Buy until your credit card’s magnetic strip is worn and useless. Buy, buy, buy.

This may sound uncharacteristic of me, but I am quite concerned that the product peddlers are using sneaky market reverse psychology to trap us in a quagmire of emotional impluses.

My suspicions were aroused when I heard the media outlets reporting on the holiday shopping season using strange themes like consumer restraint. The headlines said that one-third of Americans are planning to spend less during the 2007 Christmas season out of logical concerns about the contracting economy, softening house prices, high fuel costs, a weak dollar, and an environment that is buckling under humanity’s consumption. All this bad news has many Americans believing that this is the year that they can finally exhale. That the mad consumer frenzy to acquire goods is over. That we no longer have to spend ourselves into debt to show our appreciation for our loved ones.

Many Americans have taken cues from the media and eschewed the Black Friday sales. They are proudly exercising self-control, taking on less debt, and reducing their overall materialism. And in the coming weeks, Americans will throw themselves into the pure joy of the Christmas season. They’ll plan practical gifts. They’ll donate to charity in other people’s names. They’ll plan hand-made crafts or baked goods to distribute. They’ll regift without shame. They’ll shake their heads at the commercials that blithely beseech them to spend big bucks on that perfect holiday gift.

And then, with about ten days to go, the tone of the media will change. Suddenly, the economy is fantastic. Holiday spending is up. The stores are packed and shelves are emptying. And Americans will survey their meager and pathetic clutch of presents, and imagine Mother unwrapping the second-hand DVDs of Will Farrell movies, and Father beholding the large Costco container of pretzel bits. America will collectively freak out, head to the mall, and outspend themselves on full-price products to rectify their initial spate of miserliness, resulting in a banner year for retailers and record levels of consumer debt.

So spend now, before you’re conned into going for broke with 5 shopping days left…