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Ikea Binge

No residential move is complete without a post-furnishing trip to Ikea.

leksvik

Six years ago, the closest Ikea was in North Jersey. Three of us rented an SUV and left at 6am. We returned at 10pm. I can remember unloading the car in the dark, staring at the tiny pictures on the identical sheets of corrugated cardboard packaging: “Are these my shelves? Whose Kolsvik is this? What the hell is a Jerker?”

Three years ago, Ikea had inched closer in Connecticut. Still, interstate highway travel didn’t exactly soothe my nerves after fighting through the packed, chaotic showroom and having a nervous breakdown in the self-service furniture warehouse while picking out the parts of my bed.

Now the Boston metro area has an Ikea of its very own in Stoughton, not 30 minutes from my house. Having a close-by Ikea takes the edge off the decision-making. We got a new coffee table, two table tops and eight legs, a few rugs, a Leksvik chest with 5 drawers, and a Leksvik linen closet, all of which fit neatly into the back of a Honda Civic. Ah, the wonders of flat-packed furniture…

And self-assembly. Says Ikea’s website “While our furniture may seem attractive on the showroom floor, it takes on a whole new kind of beauty inside the cardboard boxes.” Yes, the beauty of picking through bags of widgets and screws, of squinting at the instructions and counting holes to figure out the orientation of a wooden plank, of discovering the hex key has bored away the skin on your index finger. The beauty of a Leksvik linen closet (pictured right), standing intact, holding towels.

Posted in Existence.

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Tales from the T

It is my profound pleasure to re-start my “Tales from the T” feature, after 15 agonizing months of “Tales from the [Commuter] Rails.” To be back on the sleek, swift Red Line after experiencing the choked crawl of the Purple Line is a relief.

And the people on the T are so much more interesting to observe and eavesdrop on than the zombies on the Commuter Rail. Just yesterday, I overheard a young man discussing an intoxicated young woman who getting quite randy at a gathering of college students, and she totally attempted to put her legs behind her head while wearing a short skirt and thong underwear. It’s zany banter like this that will keep me young.

Today I got off the train at Alewife to find a troop of Boy Scouts selling, of all things, fudge. Yes, fudge, in plain white boxes, under a sign that identified their troop and proclaimed “Fudge! $5.” I did a double-take. Girl Scout cookies are prurient enough, but am I the only one with a scatological mind that the sight of Boy Scouts hawking fudge seems incredibly wrong?

Oh, I love the T. It’s like a Fountain of Youth for my inner bawd.

Posted in Massachusetts.

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When Pigs Die

11 employees at a pork processing plant in Austin, Texas have been diagnosed with a rare, chronic neurological disease called CIDP. Several teams of health department staffers are converging on the plant to investigate the unusual outbreak. While the exact cause of the disease is not known, some health experts believe that “exposure to blood and pulverized tissue” might have something to do with it. Either that, or some really bad candy found its way into the vending machine.

One sick worker is a 15-year veteran of “carving meat out of the back of the butchered pigs’ heads with a small knife.” She is now debilitated by constant pain and will probably never return to work, which she finds “depressing” because “she liked her job and is sorry she can no longer do it…’I hope that my arms aren’t so weak that I can’t at least get a desk job.'”

That poor woman, robbed of her cherished livelihood. I can only imagine how she feels, knowing that she’ll probably never again engage in the butchery of a pig’s decapitated head. How she will miss the smell of the pig’s brains as they are sucked out of the skull not five feet away from her! To think that she may have to settle for a boring, non-bloody desk job.

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Book Review: “Suite Francaise” by Irene Nemirovsky

It’s hard to say how much of my emotion over this remarkable novel was provoked by the tragic, extraordinary ‘story behind the story.’ Irene Nemirovsky, born a Russian Jew, was an internationally-recognized novelist who lived most of her adult life in Paris. She started writing Suite Francaise at the beginning of World War II, envisioning an epic in five parts about events that were unfolding in occupied France. Nemirovsky completed the first two parts before she was arrested and deported to Auschwitz in 1942, where she died. Her two daughters held onto the handwritten manuscript for 64 years before one of them transcribed it, and Suite Francaise was published in 2006 to great acclaim.

And rightly so. Suite Francaise is engrossing, with simple, real characters, precious details, and fast-moving action. The first part “Tempete en juin” (“Storm in June”) deals with the mass exodus of Paris in June 1940 and follows an array of characters as they flee the city amid the chaos and fear. Yet there’s an unmistakable absurdist comedy to it all, and more than once I laughed aloud at the famous novelist who is briefly separated from his car and servants, or the middle-class family who packs their linens and silverware as if preparing for a summertime trip to the countryside.

The second part “Dolce” (“Sweet”) focuses on a village called Bussy and the surrounding farms where some of these characters reside. The tone is more serious; day-to-day life during the German occupation is vividly depicted (Nemirovsky spent the last year of her life in similar environs). The nuanced interaction between the French citizens and the German soldiers is fascinating; there are collaborators, resistors, but most prevalently, sympathizers.

The storyline in “Dolce” revolves around Lucile, the pretty wife of a French PoW in Germany. She sort of falls in love with the German commander who is billeted at the house that Lucile shares with her severe mother-in-law. When Lucile and her German’s relationship becomes physical, “she felt nothing, nothing but the cold buckle of his uniform pressing against her chest… He was whispering to her in German. Foreigner! Foreigner! Enemy, in spite of everything.” This relationship, while schmaltzy, depicts the ambivalence that the French have for their occupiers. With their young men gone, the French make the German soldiers surrogate fathers, husbands, and sons, but only on the surface.

My heart broke when I came to the end of the second part, because the story is unfinished, and because the story is unfinished.

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On Luck

To the Chinese, luck is a human attribute, similar to intelligence, beauty, wit, or talent. Each person possesses a level of luck – good, bad, or middling – that can vary, similar to how one’s health, wealth, and happiness can be improved or diminished. Whereas Westerners consider luck to be chance occurrences beyond one’s control, the Chinese consider luck to be an attribute that can be improved with beneficial feng shui. I like the Chinese view of luck, because life is not as random as all that. There are lightning strikes and lotteries, but generally, we reap what we sow.

“Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck” – Buddha

When I was in second grade, it was all the rage to carry a rabbit’s foot on a keychain for good luck. I remember stroking the soft fur, avidly believing in the power of the rabbit’s foot (although what is luck to a second grader? Finding a quarter? Getting to stay up until 9pm?). Then, one day as I sniffed curiously at the foot’s unusual musky smell, a repelling thought dawned on me: This was once attached to an actual rabbit. I stopped carrying it. After all, the foot wasn’t so lucky for the rabbit.

“I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.” – Thomas Jefferson

Coincidentally, around this time in my life, my favorite breakfast cereal was Lucky Charms. In hindsight, I recognize that my passion for Lucky Charms blossomed under a targeted marketing strategy by General Mills that flooded Saturday morning cartoons with vivid commercials revolving around Lucky the Leprechaun (“They’re always after me Lucky Charms!”) Yeah, sure the cereal is “magically delicious”… it turned out, the magic ingredient is sugar.

“Just tell yourself, Duckie, you’re really quite lucky!” – Dr. Seuss

I’m thinking about luck today because of last night’s Patriot’s game, in which they narrowly defeated the Baltimore Ravens 27-24. The Boston Globe wrote an article entitled “Luck helps keep perfection alive”: “The Patriots never lose. Most of the time they dominate. Some of the time they are clutch. And sometimes they are just plain lucky. Last night they were clutch. And lucky.” Indisputable. But as I said before, we reap what we sow.

“I wasn’t lucky. I deserved it” – Margaret Thatcher

Posted in Nostalgia.

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First Snow

Boston got its first messy splash of snow last night, with two inches of the white stuff followed by a day of steady drizzle. I woke up this morning to the sound of snow shovels steadily scrapping the sidewalk, and I sighed contentedly at this quintessential sound of winter. Then, an ungodly noise ripped through the calm. Shit. One of the neighbors has a snow blower.

The snow complicated the first day of my new commute. I now take a regular Boston subway line into the downtown instead of the blood-pressure-ratcheting commuter rail. To get to the subway, I must walk for 25 minutes on a dedicated bike path. Including the walk from the subway to my office, that’s more than an hour of walking a day. With such an active commute, I’m forgoing a gym membership and investing in fashionable weather-proof gear.

For now, all I have is my rugged hiking boots, which did serve me well as I trotted through the slush on the bikepath this morning. Reportedly, there’s vicious feuds between the various clans of mobility that crowd the path (bikes versus feet versus bladers versus dog walkers). There are admonishing signs every 100 feet: Keep to the right of the path! Today though, I had the path all to myself, which was good because I couldn’t tell left from right from middle.

Whatever your natural feelings are about snow, they are intensified during the year’s first snowfall, even if it’s a paltry two inches that dissipated in the rain by the time you hit the streets. Many of my co-workers stayed home. One who braved it to the office told me “I had to get out of my house. My sons are going bonkers.”

Me, I agree with Calvin and Hobbes: Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.

Posted in Massachusetts.

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Moved

I change residences roughly once every year and a half. And it gets harder every time. The physical rigors of hauling my possessions all over town is still bearable, but realizing the crappiness of my furniture is dismaying. Surely there is some metaphor to be divined when your furniture can be readily disassembled into planks and poles.

The move went very well. We started loading the 16′ moving truck at 10am and finished loading at 1pm (breaking for a snack of leftover wine, cheese, and stale bread – “like French laborers”). Then we drove to our new place and started unloading at 2pm. Unfortunately, while our new apartment is simply charming, it’s only accessible by creaky, winding, narrow staircases with oddly spaced stairs. We finished at 6pm, returned the truck, and then partied with a feast of healthy-style Chinese food and rum-spiked juice.

Oh, how my muscles ached this morning, not only my arms and back, but my quadriceps and calves. I felt as if I had hiked Mount Washington carrying a box of books. Since my mattress was laid on the floor, I struggled to overcome the pain and stand up. How I longed for my bed frame!

But I stood up and started unpacking. There are kitchen cabinets to be filled, built-in dining room casework to be lined, and closets to be occupied. And there are many planks and poles to be assembled, to be fastened together with wood pegs and screwed with hex keys, so that life may abide.

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LAST! NATICK! POST!

Tonight is my last night in Natick, so before the PowerBook is slipped into its traveling case to be whisked away to our new apartment tomorrow, I thought I’d say goodbye to Natick.

So long, you dopey suburban mall town, with your fraying utility infrastructure, your abundance of Chinese and Italian restaurants, your steadfast refusal to institute curbside recycling, and your fierce townie pride. So long, Natick. I’ll miss your, um, yeah.

Posted in Massachusetts.

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Value Proposition

Today I attended Day One of a mid-sized, two-day technology conference sponsored by a business analyst group. I was sent by my company’s C-level folks to be their “eyes and ears” (read: note-taker). Not being told to be a “mouth,” I kept quiet in the back of the basement ballroom of the glitzy harborside hotel, listening to presentations and taking notes (a highlight: A Microsoft executive discussed acquiring start-ups like most people talk about buying shirts.)

The crowd was 90% men between the ages of 35 and 50… a real power crowd, fueled by buffets of refreshment food, an endless stream of beverages, and a lavish lunch. (Tomorrow I’ll hide tupperware in my purse.) It wasn’t until the cocktail hour that people asked me the question I’d been dreading all day: “What do you do?” I smiled mysteriously and claimed “They haven’t invented a title for what I do.”

Indeed, I felt mysterious all day. I stuck out. The bartender called me “Young lady” twice, and not in that “humoring a golden girl” sort of way. As one of the few women under forty, and the only blond, I got more than a few curious stares, and was evidently sized up as being not important enough to talk to except in the presence of cocktails. Wink wink. That’s my value proposition.

Posted in The 9 to 5.

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Pride and Punishment

I would like to publicly apologize to several family members in Philadelphia. On Thanksgiving, when we were discussing the Patriots / Eagles game that took place last night and that the Patriots narrowly won, my family predicted that the middling Eagles would challenge and even topple the almighty Patriots. “The Eagles are hungrier,” my family said. “The Eagles have potential,” my family said. “Feeley is a great quarterback, better than McNabb” my family said.

I offered polite smack talk, the type that is normal and expected when conflicting football allegiances face off in congenial surroundings. I almost bet my brother $100 that the Patriots would win by 23 points, which was the incredible Eagles-Patriots point spread offered in Las Vegas, but I backed off, pretending to respect their belief that the Eagles couldn’t possibly bomb that badly.

But deep-down, I was laughing at them, uproariously. My poor family, with their fanciful notions that the Eagles could challenge the Patriot’s obvious supremacy. I wished that the Patriots and Eagles were playing on Thanksgiving, so I could gleefully hoot in their faces every time that Tom Brady threw a touchdown to Randy Moss.

So last night, as I watched the Eagles aggressively battle the Patriots, I realized that this was my payback for sitting at the Thanksgiving table and pitying my deluded family. Even though the Patriots won, the Eagles came so close that, this Christmas, when the subject of the Patriots versus Eagles arises, I will be eating humble pie.

Posted in Americana.

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