This morning, I started reading a Wikipedia article about Hubris (here) because I was writing a meditation about America’s decline, and I thought to maybe invoke this sin of Ancient Greece to describe the excessive national pride that compels voters to embrace a non-elitist hockey mom. Sarah Palin is fantastic, because she’s just like me, and I’d be a great President!

It turns out hubris isn’t really an applicable in this sense — mind-boggling stupidity is more apropos — but I began clicking Wikipedia hyperlinks, and the next thing I knew, I surfed my way to Wikipedia’s extensive holdings about professional wrestling — defined as “an athletic performing art, containing strong elements of catch wrestling, mock combat and theatre” (here) — and read for a good 90 minutes.

Here are some of the fascinating things about pro-wrestling that I learned from Wikipedia:

• I learned about kayfabe (here), which is the industry term for the storyline aspect of pro-wrestling. The article lists examples of lapses or breaks in kayfabe, such as: “Orton hit the floor, he suffered a legitimate broken collarbone, and as he was writhing in agony, Triple H could be seen discussing with the referee and the EMTs whether or not to continue the match; it was obviously decided to conclude the match early, so Triple H took out his signature sledgehammer, and proceeded to hit Orton in the head with it, thus finishing the match.” The show must go on!

• I learned about heels (here), which is the industry term for the villains. The article lists common heel wrestling tactics, such as “Removing the padding on turnbuckles to expose the steel underneath it, and then smashing an opponent’s head, face, etc.”; “Sticking thumbs, throwing powder/salt, or spitting foreign substances into an opponent’s eyes”; “Assaulting the opponent after a match or interfering in a rival’s match to cost them the win.” All things that I’ve never done, but possibly, if I were a pro-wrestler, I may be inclined to consider. I’ve always had a dark side.

• I learned about faces (here), which is the industry term for the baby-faced heroic foil to the villainous heels. The article lists the types of faces, such as the Juggernaut, the Underdog, and the Anti-Hero (“acts like a heel, but gets cheered nonetheless”). I was surpised to find out that “Rowdy” Roddy Piper is considered a Face, and when I read his article, I found out he wasn’t Scottish at all, but from Canada! I also read about “the highest-profile feud in wrestling history” between Piper and Hulk Hogan, “where Piper kicked pop singer Cyndi Lauper in the head- and even attacked Captain Lou Albano- with Hogan seeking revenge as a result.” Evidently, this was during Piper’s pre-Face years. Then I found out Captain Lou Albano is 75 years old and still alive (here).

• I learned about the Mega Powers (here), which is the legendary tag team of Hulk Hogan and “Macho Man” Randy Savage, with the comely Miss Elizabeth serving as valet. The article features a meticulous chronology of the Mega Powers: the hopeful formation (“Hogan stated that the combination of ‘Hulkamania’ and ‘Macho Madness’ may become the most powerful force in WWF history”), the dubious glories (“Elizabeth exposed her assets in skimpy panties after stripping off her skirt to the heels, resulting in the Mega Powers coming back to win the match”), and the inevitable feud and tag team dissolution, the details of which have been flagged by Wikipedia as needing “additional citations for verification.”