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Party Like It’s 2007

Today the stock market tanked so badly that we ate an austere dinner of soup and non-organic collard greens. Yet I am confident that the American economy is rebounding because my mailbox is telling a cheerier story: Three credit card offers in one day! I haven’t seen pre-approved action like this since 2007, back when our financial system embraced insolvency and predatory lending as core values.

Credit card offers disappeared from my mailbox soon after Lehman Brothers imploded. At first it was a relief, as if my front stoop had been cleared of noisome drug pushers and I could finally walk freely without being subject to their solicitation. But then, as the full extent of the recession was made clear, I sort of missed them. O for the touch of a vanished hand, and the sound of a voice that is still. Sure, they were a symbol of all that is rotten and evil in capitalism, but they were sort of flattering and comforting. Easy credit, within my reach!

So I am gladdened to see that my mail has come alive with junk, including near-weekly offers from Chase — such a persistent suitor, that Chase. Even if I choose to avail myself of their services, it really wouldn’t be helping the economy. I’m one of those credit nerds who pays off her balance the minute it’s a cent over zero. I refuse to fall victim to usury. One time I decided to take a bank loan solely to improve my credit, but then the thought of all that interest kept me awake at night until I freaked out after three months and paid it all off.

Actually, I guess the fact that I’m receiving credit card offers doesn’t really mean much. Let’s hold off celebrating national prosperity until the unemployed father of four who went through a foreclosure starts receiving credit offers. (Celebrate with one hand, sell all your stocks with the other…)

Posted in Americana.

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Cape Cod Hurrah Hurrah

Cape Cod was calling. Pristine spring Saturdays demand extraordinary diversion, so we took advantage of the low-season traffic and headed to Cape Cod… where the sky is bluer, the birds sing sweeter, the food smells better, and the bicycling seems safer.

Mr. P planned an ambitious cycling excursion on the Cape Cod Rail trail that started in Harwich and continued 16 miles to the terminus in Wellfleet (and then, of course, back). So I dug out my dorky cycling shorts with a formidable sewn-in butt pad, because the last time I cycled 30+ miles in one day with no additional cushion, my crotch was sore for a week. Yes, I know, too much information, but dammit there are lessons to be learned here.

It’s been well over 9 months since I’ve been on a noteworthy bicycle ride, but my mornings at the gym with a spinning bike and the New York Times are paying off. Not only could I sustain a pretty good pace, I could also simultaneously discuss Arizona’s immigration statute with a nuanced, informed viewpoint.

After reaching Wellfleet, we jumped off the path and cycled to a nearby beach. We descended a steep wall of sand to reach the nearly deserted shoreline.

Ah, Cape Cod. In the ocean we spotted dozens of whales and porpoises diving the water. They proved difficult to photograph, so here’s another picture of nice, stationary wood.

We enjoyed a picnic…

And frolicked…

And then hiked back up the cliff (gratuitous butt shot)…

And headed to the bike path for our return trip. Since we were making good time, we decided to take another side trip off of the path to visit the Nauset Light (here), which is one of those old lighthouses that have been relocated to the inland for historical preservation purposes.

Total mileage for the day: 40 miles on mostly flat terrain– probably a record for me, but that’s the sort of personal milestone that Cape Cod was made for…

Posted in Massachusetts.

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Love that Dirty Water…

Um, no.

Boiling water for drinking, cooking, dishwashing, and toothbrushing is a lot more glamorous than it sounds. The Boil Water FAQ says that one minute of a rolling boil is sufficient, but Mr. P is insisting on a minimum of 10 minutes (this is what he learned in the French military). I’m amendable to 10 minutes because the water coming out the facet is yellowish. Actually, the whole thing is a lot like camping. We just have to accept that the hand-washed dishes may carry invisible food particles. We have to make liberal use of hand sanitizer.  We have to wash our faces with pre-moistened washcloths. Tonight we were supposed to meet friends for dinner in Waltham, but we’re going to Natick instead.And we have to live without local restaurants and cafes… because even if Starbucks was serving beverages, would we trust them? Should we ever?

So, life persists without a clean water supply. Perhaps we Bostonians are a little hardier for it.

Posted in Massachusetts.

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Let Them Drink Coke

Yesterday a neighbor and I were discussing how the town of Concord recently voted to ban all sales of bottled water (here) — the first municipality in the United States to take such a drastic stand against the environmental poison that is the Cult of Bottled Water.

She supported the ban 100%. I supported it in spirit, but…

“I just don’t trust tap water,” I admitted. “I feel like there’s all these chemicals in our water system that the government doesn’t want to own up to. And I don’t drink soda or juice, so if I’m out and about, I drink bottled water.”

She smiled understandingly, but inwardly she was probably thinking You enemy of Earth. “I think you can trust the water supply,” she said gently. “I mean, I’ve never heard of someone getting sick from drinking tap water. It just doesn’t happen.”

“And what would happen if there was some sort of emergency and the tap water became unsafe?” I asked. “What would Concord do? Drink soda?”

From there, the conversation turned into a discussion about how New England seems immune to major natural disasters — “knock wood.” It was all inconsequential small talk until today, when my town was put under a boil-water order due to a massive water leak that has over 2 million people in Boston metro relying on a subpar back-up water supply (here). Luckily for the residents of Concord, they still have clean tap water, so they are spared the embarrassment of flocking to adjoining towns to sponge off their bottled water. (And I am spared the guilt of helping to empty my local Whole Foods’ shelf of evil delicious Evian.)

Posted in Massachusetts.

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Get Bent, Bently

Today around noon time, as I walked down Mass. Ave on my way to a work-related meeting in Boston, I got a flirty horn-honk followed by coy waves from two 40ish blue-collar men in a beat-up Ford F150. It was the first bit of street harassment I’ve experienced in a long time, and it was a veritable boon to my femininity. I was externally impassive, but internally preening.

Oh, when I was in my 20s, I loathed lewd remarks, ogling eyes, and catcalls. They made me feel vulnerable, objectified, and powerless. I just wanted it to stop. And then one day, soon after I turned 30… it did.

But who can resist giving appreciative accolades to a blond in a clingy beige sweater and black sunglasses, sauntering down the street on a perfect spring day? Besides, this is the Age of the Cougar. Thanks for the attention, gents. Now get bent.

Posted in Existence.

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M.I.A. “Born Free”

If you know rapper M.I.A. exclusively because of her hit single “Paper Planes” (here) then you probably think of her as a poppy rap princess who banks on catchy hooks and lilting melodies.

That’s just one of the reasons why I love M.I.A.’s new single “Born Free;” it blows up any such notion of her as a lightweight. It’s my favoritist new song of 2010 so far.

And the dystopian music video is cinematic and terrifically controversial (here). Just when I lost faith in music’s potential to insight revolutionary-tinged outrage…

Posted in Culture.

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6pm Yoga Class

I got a sweet deal on a month-long membership for a yoga studio in Somerville. The only problem is… it’s in Somerville. Getting there after work is an odyssey of gridlock traffic and serendipitous street parking. It’s a great way to ratchet up the cortisol right before 75 minutes of deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation take my bodily stress down to vacation levels, if only temporarily.

It was 5:45, and I was in my car, aiming to make the 6pm class. I was 1/2 mile+ from the studio. In front of me was a metered space, beautifully void. Do I press my luck and try to park closer to the studio, or do I accept this gift from the parking Deities? Did I mention it was pouring rain and I didn’t have an umbrella?

I took the parking spot, grabbed my yoga mat, and ran through the downpour to the studio. I arrived with sopping hair and heaving breath, and splayed my soggy mat in the only obvious space left in the room. Next to me was a bendy brunette in her mid-20s who I recognized from a previous class due to her arm-band tattoo. The class started and I gradually felt my body begin to unwind, to release the cares of my day, of my life, and become focused on doing crazy things, like putting my shoulders underneath my knees (almost there!)

After class, I was in the lobby area putting on my shoes and socks when I heard the brunette talking quietly with another woman. “I’m just waiting for someone to start drinking water during class to see what happens,” the brunette said.

“Probably get kicked out,” the other woman said with a smirk before walking away.

After a minute, I asked the brunette: “Did I hear you say that you can get kicked out for drinking water during class?”

Smiling, she made a face. “The studio sent out an email last month asking people to refrain from drinking water during class because it was disruptive,” she said.

My brain struggled to process a statement with so many layers of absurdity. Who drinks water to the point of disruption? Who gets upset about it? Who dares to rebel against modern society’s cult of hydration… in this economy?

“Interesting,” I said. “I can see how that could be controversial.”

“I used to go to a studio where people texted during svanasana,” she said. “Drinking water… I mean, pish.”

The walk back to my car was magnificent. The rain had stopped and the air was cool and fresh; dark clouds dominated the sky, but a ray of sun broke through, casting cheery light on the building tops. I wish I had a camera to capture not only what I saw, but also my own inner serenity. My hair was still wet from the rain, but I wasn’t thirsty.

Posted in Existence.

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Roughneck Angels

The prevailing opinion about Vice President Joe Biden is that he’s a gaffe machine with a knack for grammatical blundering as well speaking inappropriately or awkwardly. Dare I say that, in terms of pure folly, some Bidenisms rival Bushisms? My favorite is when he revealed the location of the secret Vice Presidential bunker (here), and it turned out to be actually underneath the Vice President’s house. Huh! So glaringly obvious that I never would have looked there.

Biden’s verbal bloopers are not nearly as brainless or abundant as GWB’s, but then the Obama administration seems to have gagged Joe soon after he pissed off the airline industry by airing semi-legitimate concerns about catching the swine flu on planes (here).This comment prompted some media observers to wonder if Biden has some sort of cognitive speech disorder that prevents him from being able to keep his hysteria to himself and shut the fuck up.

Yesterday, at the memorial service for the 29 West Virginian miners killed in a mysterious explosion, both Obama and Biden were present to deliver emotional, gut-wrenching eulogies. With the Administration’s approval ratings on a precipitous wane, this horrific mining disaster was an opportune chance to remind the hoi polloi that this Administration is in touch with our day-to-day concerns… though the vast majority of us really aren’t concerned with mine safety standards, but you know. It’s symbolic. So they decided to unloosen Biden’s muzzle and let the man speak.

And this is what came out (here). Not too bad, although it had its moments of weirdness, notably:

For you know this band of 29 roughneck angels watching over you are doing that just now, as they sit at the right hand of the Lord today — and they’re wondering, is all that fuss about me?

This band of 29 roughneck angels! When I read that, I immediately flashed upon Jack Kerouac and Allen Ginsberg and thought, What a great line of beatnik poetry. It’s the best thing Joe Biden has ever said: an interior feeling, bourne from grief and dismay and voiced in simple universal language with enough uncluttered space around it as to resonate like a lone cello on a barren stage. Carl Sandburg once said that poetry is the synthesis of hyacinths and biscuits. Doesn’t Biden’s “roughneck angels” capture the essence of hyacinths and biscuits?

Posted in In the News.

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Birds in the Bush

“The birds are two weeks early this year!” said the woman at the Ipswich River Wildlife Sanctuary in Topsfield when we paid our $4 entrance fee. Since the sanctuary is run by the Mass Audubon Society, we feigned the requisite enthusiasm, though we are decidedly not birders. (I grew up next to John James Audubon’s first home in America but I can’t tell a sparrow from a thrush. And Mr. P gets pitifully excited whenever he sees a robin, which are unknown in Europe.) Indeed, New England is awash in early spring; I’ve given up all hope of more snow and it’s not even May yet.

The sanctuary teemed with wildlife, owing to the abundant water source (the river) to hydrate the meadows, swamps, and woodlands. Not 5 minutes into our walk, we came across this huge-ass toad hanging out near a vernal pond. Actually, I suspect this is just a normal frog, but given its size and its wartiness, I’ll try to sound authoritative and call it a toad.

Mr. P’s Wild Toad

Nearby was a comely turtle. Again, I’m no expert in reptilian identification, but I remember hearing that yellow and red stripes mean it is a painted turtle. This guy was preparing to abscond into the pond because the photographer was getting too close.

Turtle

And… snakes alive! To get this picture of a garter snake, Mr. P had me tip-toe into the woods to try and flush out the snake towards the camera. As I got closer and closer to the snake, it refused to move. “Um, why aren’t you fleeing?” I demanded as its tongue flailed out rapidly. Later, we saw a black snake swimming in a pond, which gave me a new fear.

Of course, a ton of birds flocked to the area, but they proved harder to photograph. By the time Mr P would locate the bird in his lens and manual focus the camera, the bird would be gone. I never realized how skittish birds are, especially the beautiful big ones.

After a late lunch in downtown Ipswich, we decided to spend the rest of the afternoon at nearby Crane’s Beach, which was surprisingly well-attended with beach-goers for late April. We arrived at low-tide and walked along the shoreline. Mr. P practiced his Impressionism photography…

While I practiced my imperfect Crane pose (it being Crane’s beach and all). In this picture, my knees aren’t nearly as high up on my arms as they should be, so it’s actually Crow pose. That’s okay though, because that means Mr P finally got a picture of a big bird.

Posted in Massachusetts.

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Kiki and Slash

I went to the library to pick up some books I had ordered from other branches, and as fate would have it both Slash and Kiki’s Memoirs had arrived. The library clerk’s demeanor changed from willing helpfulness to disgusted suspicion as she scanned first the book with the cigarette-smoking rock n’ roller, and then the book with the topless, big-breasted woman seductively holding a sheet. Hey lady, I may have the tastes of a reprobate, but at least I’m reading.

Slash is, of course, the legendary guitarist for Guns N’ Roses. Kiki is Kiki de Montparnasse, a famous French artist’s model and bohemian who I became interested in after seeing repeatedly mention of her in my beautiful book about 1920s Paris. Since both books are autobiographies, I feel obliged to come up with threads of commonality to link these two tomes: both Kiki and Slash were artists; they lived unconventional lifestyles of varying degrees of hedonism; and they loved their grandmothers.

The Slash autobiography was comprehensive… too comprehensive for the casual GNR fan. Slash chronicles every couch he ever slept on, every girlfriend he ever had, and most of the wild and crazy parties he ever attended. Despite this, owing to Slash’s ineffectual use of details, one does not come away with a sense of what it was really like. Here is a typical passage:

We were in no condition to perform, let along even drive ourselves to the gig. In desperation, [Izzy’s girlfriend] Dezi called her friend Melissa, who lived up in Hollywood, in Izzy’s old apartment. She had heard from Sammy and was going to meet him shortly. That was enough to motivate us: we drove over there somehow and hung out waiting for Melissa to return with out drugs. It looked like we might have taken care of one problem, but at the same time, it was around five pm, and we were about an hour from the gig. Finally she returned, Izzy and I got our shit, we did all that, and what a relief that was. Fuck! We were once again functional. We had barely enough time to join our band, who were waiting for us so that we could play our first arena, to a sold-out crowd of three thousand.

Sprinkled in between all this meandering prose is an actual story with fascinating tidbits about the band, like how “Paradise City” was composed and written as the band jammed during a drive from San Francisco back to LA. There’s also some interesting insight into the mind of a rock star, like when Slash had an AIDS scare after waking up with a lesion: “Everyone was alarmed [about AIDS] but most of us still felt immune to the whole thing. We figured that no one needed to worry about it until David Lee Roth got it.”

Kiki’s Memoirs has an introduction written by Ernest Hemingway — a rare honor. Writes Hemingway, “This is the only book I have ever written an introduction for, and God help me, the only one I ever will… It is written by a woman who, as far as I know, never had a Room of Her Own… you have a book here written by a woman who was never a lady at any time. For about ten years she was about as close as people get nowadays to being a Queen but that, of course, is very different from being a lady.” Kiki was a Queen of the bohemian scene in the Parisian neighborhood of Montparnasse, where she eventually landed after moving from Burgundy to Paris when she was twelve. “Little by little, I made my way into artistic circles, so full of wayward charm… I was so very gay that my poverty didn’t make so much as a dent ; and such words as “kill-joy”, “gloom”, “the blues” were just so much Hebrew so far as I was concerned.” Kiki finds odd jobs and eventually begins posing for artists like Foujita –“the thing that astonished him about me was the lack of hair on my sexual parts — and Man Ray, the Philadelphia-born Jewish photographer with whom Kiki was romantically involved with for much of the 1920s, and whose loving photographs of Kiki –both posing and casual — are one of the book’s highlights.

Kiki’s Memoirs is a surprising sparse about Man Ray and the 1920s. She does not dwell on the details, leaving one with an incomplete picture of her life. Surely something is lost in the translation from the French, but I did get a vivid sense of Kiki’s flippant, spirited sweetness. Here is a typical passage in which Kiki discusses doing cocaine with a rich gentleman she just met: Now and then, I could see him take a little box with a pretty little spoon in it and stick the spoon up his nose! I didn’t know what it was all about, until he went and left me alone. I then did the same thing he had done, and I suddenly felt very happy.

In sum: Slash told too much, and Kiki told too little. Both look great shirtless.

Posted in Review.

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