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Campy

I’m off to Maine this weekend, for the first camping trip of the season! No, not the fall season, but the whole 2007 season. For some reason, Mr. Pinault has been reluctant to head out in the wilderness this year. Everytime I mention camping, he gestures towards the amentities of home that he cannot live without – the kitchen, the bathroom, the electrical grid – all the while massaging his neck and back, as if his muscles became sore from just the thought of sleeping on the ground.

But camping does have perks. The fresh air. The stars, crickets, and campfire. And, most importantly, it’s dirt-cheap. For $20 a night, even Mr. Pinault can forget about his morning aches and sleeplessness.

I’ll be back next week…

Posted in Trips.

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That Priggish Logic that makes Suits Who They Are

Lately I’ve been fetishizing suits. There’s something intangibly interesting about people who surrender their identity, passions, and morals in the name of wealth, power, and luxury-living. Are suits made or born? I don’t know, but my new job has taken me into the epicenter of Bostonian suits, and I’m finding them simply fascinating and entirely bland.

There was a suit walking in front of me today at lunch time, talking on his Blackberry. Among suits, this guy is an Alpha: Mid-40s. Impeccably groomed and attired. Intelligent face, strong jaw, broad shoulders, and a thick head of hair. His stride was resolute yet altruistic. His only fault was his tall, wiry body, as suits typical have a belly as a sign of puissance.

I couldn’t help but to zero in on his murmuring…

“It’s the last week of summer and the weather couldn’t be better… So do I go in the office? Or do I go to the golf course?… Yeah, in the long run, it’s much better for everyone if I go to the golf course… because otherwise, I’m going to regret it.”

Posted in Massachusetts.

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Mewling in the Blogosphere

My new job gratifies my intellectual appetite to the point where I’m terribly unmotivated to write here this week. Poor exhausted brain just wants to take assume child pose, take deep cleansing breaths, and unwind all those little contorted synapses. Ahhhhhh.

To draw an analogy to food: It like I’ve been eating nothing but pasta for the past 5 years. Hey, nothing’s wrong with pasta. It’s satisfying. But all of a sudden, holy effing christ, it’s a potato! And I’m so excited to be eating this potato that I will focus all my energy on the potato. Does that make any sense? Should my brain go back to resting quietly in child pose?

I’m tempted to find a Republican to mock, but what choices! I ripped through the New York Times this morning to read all about the latest tawdry sex scandal. I just can’t fathom a subculture of gay sex in airport bathrooms revolving around foot-tapping that it has become such a problem that the police conduct sting operations. I feel so naively female.

To tie an awkward bow on this rambling post: Did I mention that the bathrooms in my new office have quilted toilet paper?

Posted in The 9 to 5.

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Evil Eyes are Rolling

Lately I cannot even order lunch without aggravating a hapless clerk. But I maintain my innocence. I mean, I’m sorry that preparing a to-go bread and soup bowl at Au Bon Pain takes about two minutes, but really, shouldn’t Au Bon Pain smooth out this process so that I’m not the target of everyone’s quiet loathing? And if Sebastians had stipulated on their menu that “hold the lettuce, extra tomatoes” costs .75, then I could have saved the cashier a lot of grief (you’d think people making 8 dollars an hour would be sympathetic to my outrage). And Cosi sandwich lady, maybe I could have been a little more adamant when I said “No ham, please.” I know it’s pretty chaotic and loud. But is it really that big of a deal to make me another sandwich? I’m smiling and agreeable. Why are you looking at me like I’m the Anti-Christ?

Posted in Existence.

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I Love…

The free city! no slaves! no owners of slaves!
The beautiful city, the city of hurried and sparkling waters! the city of spires and masts!
The city nested in bays! my city!
The city of such women, I am mad to be with them! I will return after death to be with them!
The city of such young men, I swear I cannot live happy, without I often go talk, walk, eat, drink, sleep, with them!
-Walt Whitman, “Mannahatta”

I spent three long days in Manhattan and Brooklyn, which was enough time to do the following:

* Arrive on a Peter Pan bus from Boston after an initially ordinary journey that deteriorated when the driver took an off-highway foray into the streets of the Bronx, subjecting us to 90 minutes of stop-and-go jerkiness and his own maniacal road rage.

* Discover that the threat of blogging is a formidable weapon of the passive aggressive house guest (thank you RT, KT, and most especially L!)

* Drink a fair amount of beer in various thematic Manhattan and Brooklyn bars, including a beauty salon, a Polynesian hut, a summer camp, and a bar with a bocce ball court.

* Get lost in SoHo, almost on purpose. All around me, cranky tourists swarmed the streets in unfathomable heat and haze, retreating into the polar-conditioned stores for respite. I felt bad for them. They journey to New York, shell out astronomical sums of money for a hotel, upend their concept of normal daily life, and in return, New York offers the same flipping chain stores and restaurants that they have back in Peducah Falls: Ann Taylor, Armani Exchange, Crate and Barrel, Pottery Barn, Office Depot, Victoria’s Secret… and for those who want unique New York commodities, across the sidewalk on folding tables along the curb there’s genuine curiosities like knitted chinese handcuffs, rubber ducky decor, shell jewelry, and cheap Chinese imports. Oh, the glamour of Third World sweatshop handiwork.

* Frolic at Coney Island, where I oohed and aahed over the view afforded by the Wonder Wheel and experienced whiplashy thrills on the Cyclone.

* Gaze at the Brooklyn Bridge from a park in the Dumbo neighborhood of Brooklyn while contemplating metaphysical questions such as: Is the human race essentially good? Is pride more dangerous than greed? Are we just animals with an extra-dangerous capacity for thinking and doing? Can such magnificent creation – these bridges, that forest of buildings – withstand a contradictory proclivity for destruction – that gaping hole in the skyline where the Twin Towers once presided?

Brooklyn Bridge and Manhattan Skyline

Chinese Store in SoHo

Posted in Americana.

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Capiche

Despite this eponymous website that is read weekly by dozens, I’m not the most famous person ever to graduate from Methacton High School.

No, that honor goes to Eric, one-half of the comedic duo Tim and Eric, creators of Adult Swim sensation “Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!”. I realized how famous he is when I opened this month’s Maxim magazine and found myself staring at a Tim and Eric-oriented blurb.

Yes, in high school, not only did I totally know who Eric was… he knew who I was, too! In fact, he dated my best friend. I could tell stories, but after watching the “Office Chunky Capiche” videos featured Eric as Carol, well, I just can’t top that.

[On a side note: When I was younger, a rumor said that WWF wrestler Ultimate Warrior was an alumnae. But now the internet informs me that is totally false (like most wrestlers, Warrior is a product of the Mid West.)]

Posted in Culture.

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Gay Old Town

I spent two nights in Provincetown, the gay and lesbian resort town on Cape Cod.

Why would a straight girl like me go to P-town? Well, it’s easily accessible by a ferry from Boston and can be readily navigated with a rented bicycle. The beaches, cycling trails, and downtown commercial district are stellar. Plus, I’d be going mid-week and avoid the crush of weekend crowds.

I also discovered that P-town is an exceptionally safe place for women to travel alone. Any unwanted male attention disappeared as soon as they realized that I wasn’t a post-op transsexual. And any unwanted female attention just didn’t happen, probably because no one mistook me for a lesbian… probably because I’m too pretty.

Since Mr. Pinault didn’t go with me, the quality of photographs that I have to share is dismal. Wow and woe… it takes some serious lack of skill to make a place as colorful as P-town look so drab.

Picture #1 is the Pilgrim Monument, taken from the bay as the ferry approached the town. (And yes, for those of you unfamiliar with Provincetown, there is a 250-foot tall granite phallus in the town center to commemorate the first landfall of the Pilgrims and the signing of the Mayflower Compact.)

Picture #2 is a lily-pad-ladden pond in Beech Forest. Tadpoles are visible in the lower-right hand corner of the picture.

Posted in Massachusetts, Trips.

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Step Away from the Toy

I can only imagine the public relations juggernaut that Mattel mobilized to deal with their massive toy recall. CEO Bob Eckert’s videotaped message to his ‘fellow parents’ probably required more takes than OK Go’s ‘Here We Go Again’ treadmill video. Eckert’s sweeping, hypnotic hand gestures, his grave unsmiling face, and his ‘toy recall’ tone of voice strikes a perfect blend of sincerity, authority, and outrage: I’m as pissed off as you folks that our incompetence has endangered our precious, darling children… but we’re going to do something about it. We’re going to start doing our jobs, because it’s the right thing to do.

And that Eckert managed not to directly mention the country of China yet still imply that it was entirely China’s fault is genius. Notice how only a few of the recalled products involve lead paint. The majority involve magnets, which were presumably apart of design plans that were passed through multiple layers of toymaker bureaucracy before being sent to China. Surely someone at Mattel is paid to pick up on tiny choking hazards on the toys.

According to ABC News, in China, heads are rolling in the toy industry. No, not literally… that we know of…

Posted in In the News.

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Class Cues

IL told me a while ago: When two couples get into a car together, they’ll indicate their social class by where everyone sits. If one couple sits in front, and the second couple sits in back, they’re middle-class. If the men sit in front and the women sit in back, they’re lower-class. And if they “switch” partners so one man sits next to the other woman, then they’re upper-class.

Because this class cue was observed decades ago, all three scenarios revolve around a male driver. Presumably, feminism would allow for every conceivable configuration, so I asked: “What if a woman is driving, and both women sit in front and the men sit in back?”

“Extreme lower-class.”

“Or the woman is driving, and the other man sits next to her and their partners sit in the back?”

“Extreme upper-class.”

“Ok, the woman is driving, her man sits next to her, and the other couple sits in back?

“Extreme middle class. Or, as they’re more commonly known, bohemians.”

Posted in Americana.

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Sand Dune Walk

We went walking in the sand dunes at Crane Beach in Ipswitch, which is one of the few places in New England where humans are allowed to explore the fragile dune ecosystem on (bare)foot.

There was all this crazy beach grass. And weird insects, like huge bright orange ants and invisible crickets. To say nothing of the rare shore birds guarding their nests with the help of electric fences.

I expected a leisurely walk, but sand dune walking proved to be an intensive cardio activity. Really works those ankle muscles. Foot exfoliation is an added bonus.

Posted in Massachusetts.

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