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Twitch of Fate

In the sky, it’s gray and foggy. But here on the streets of downtown Boston, the air is dry and crisp, and it’s a good morning to be a pedestrian, strolling to the office along clogged urban arteries of vehicular metal, rubber, and smog.

I like walking among the corporate conquerors in their suits and shiny shoes. I match their clipped strides and aloof gazes. They are trim and spritely, ready to hunker down in their luxury office suites, battle in board rooms, wage war for market share, combat for capital, and clash for cash.

On High Street, I pass Sebastians, a hoity chain of corporate dining establishments in Boston that offers a diversified range of sandwiches, soup, salad, and hot entrees for discerning patrons who prefer paying $8 for a tiny portion instead of $5 for a sizable portion.

Sebastians is spacious and softly illuminated with contemporary lighting fixtures. There are stainless steel baker’s racks of gourmet foodstuffs for light office refreshments and clandestine cubicle snacking. Though it is 8:30am, about a dozen workers with tan-colored skin bustle behind the counters, wearing white caps and aprons, preparing trays of food to be delivered to nearby offices.

I slow my pace outside of Sebastian’s storefront. I am a believer that human life is ruled by twitches of fate, and I belive that it is by twitch of fate that my worth is measured output of words, and not output of sandwiches.

Posted in The 9 to 5.

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You’re Not From Around Here, Are You?

“This is the 6:05 Worcester Express,” the conductor announced this evening as the train jerked out of South Station.

The woman seated next to me bucked in alarm. “I thought this was the ‘War-chester’ train,” she yelped, moving as if to disembark the moving train like some sort of action hero instead of a tiny, clean woman in her sixties with a hulking floral-patterned suitcase.

A nearby man called “Yeah, this is the ‘Woos-ter’ train.”

This did little to alleviate her restless concern, and in fact charged the situation with chaotic Abbott and Costello confusion. “This is the right train,” I assured her. “It’s not pronounced ‘War-chester.’ It’s ‘Woos-ter.'”

She looked at me blankly, then relaxed. “Well, I didn’t know that,” she said. “I’ve never heard it said like that before.” She then proceded to tell me all about how she’s going to Grafton to housesit for a nephew with two dogs while he’s in California for a month.

“And where are you from?” I asked, pegging her as total southern Midwest.

“Ohio,” she said. Ah, I should have known. Sensible-to-the-point-of-stupid Ohio.

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Cannon Mountain 4100′ October 7, 2007

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Mounts Hancock 4420′ and South Hancock 4319′ October 6, 2007

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Artificial Artificial Intelligence

I checked out MyCyberTwin after talking with a co-worker about the current state of Artificial Intelligence. MyCyberTwin, which is old news (so first quarter 2007) allows users to create a virtual twin that can be their surrogate in online chat. Anyone can create a (free) cyber twin to amuse their friends, but the company’s bread-and-butter probably comes from marketing and pornography.

The cyber twin’s personality and “intelligence” is based on questions that the real human answered when they created the twin. “They claim that it’s artifical intelligence, but it’s not, because it’s not learning independantly and on-the-fly,” my co-worker explained. “It’s regurgiating appropriate words based what the creator previously taught it.”

Curious, I went MyCyberTwin and had several chats with virtual celebrity twins Paris Hilton and George Bush (though I would have prefered an intellectual like Sartre or Naomi Wolf.) Sadly, Paris impressed me more than George. Neither conversation felt “real” to me and the George twin in particular responded incorrectly to and evaded certain questions (arguably, this is what GWB himself would do).

First up: Paris Hilton. Note that “You” is me.

Paris: Hey I’m Paris Hilton and I am hot! Even though I was in jail, I’m still hot!
You: Why did you go to jail?
Paris: I did my time. I got let out early due to good behavior.
You: Good behavior? Didn’t you escape or something?
Paris: Life is like totally good isn’t it Meredith?
You: You’re right. What’s your favorite band?
Paris: I love the group Whitestarr. I like music I can dance to
You: I like to dance too
Paris: I am doing the funky chicken right now.
You: LOL
Paris: I love to make people laugh. It’s nice you find me amusing.
You: Oh, I do. I loved the Simple Life. You and Nicole were so ridiculous!
Paris: So … have you tried my perfume range?
You: No. I think your perfume is too floral and immature for my tastes
Paris: Yeah I am. A spoilt brat. LOL. It’s great though.
You: No, you’re great!
Paris: I like to think so too. Thanks for saying that though Meredith.

Then… George W. Bush:

You: So why’d you veto the health insurance for children bill?
George: I’ve been to war. I’ve raised twins. If I had a choice, I’d rather go to war.
You: Yeah, right. You joined the Texas National Guard during Viet Nam.
George: Indeed, I understand.
George: Do you think I am doing enough about the environment?
You: No, I think you care about industry more than the environment.
George: The environment? My advisors tell me it isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are
You: Well, I can’t argue with that.
George: That sounds like a strong opinion.
George: Do YOU think I should withdraw the US of A from Iraq soon?
You: I don’t think that we be there in the first place
George: Why is that, Meredith?
You: Because it’s a very expensive war
George: I like the Green Berets and Bambi
You: WTF? Bambi?
George: Are you drink typing?

Posted in The 9 to 5.

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Anti-test Protest

Animal rights activists held a demonstration outside my office building this afternoon. About eight protestors, mostly choppy-haired young women, chanted along with an older man on a bullhorn (“Vivisection is a lie… How many more animals have to die?”). They stood by one of the building entrances alongside Atlantic Avenue, a major road that bisects the glitzy Boston Harbor real estate and the Financial District. (Our building security guards looked unusually alive.)

The only other protests I’ve seen in downtown Boston are blue-collar workers, upset with a conglomerate’s anti-Union business practices. So I was startled to see signs with vivid vivisection pictures that protested the notorious animal testing company Huntingdon Life Sciences. I’m fairly certain that HLS isn’t a tenant in our building, but perhaps they were targeting a customer or business partner. For sure it wasn’t my company.

I mean, we’re pretty evil, but we’re not, like, vivisection evil.

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Comment tu t’appelles?

We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it.” – Marge Simpson

After a year-long hiatus from French language classes, my body of French knowledge deteriorated down to various ways to politely demand cheese and wine. So, this fall I decided to take an intensive, twice-a-week French class for total beginners.

Re-learning basic French does feel futile. But French is not like arithmetic, where the knowledge that 2+2=4 doesn’t need to be continuously renewed. This is French, where “Comment tu t’appelles?” could be “Comen to tapple” or “Como tu tappel” or “Come to tapels,” depending on how well I’m guessing.

My pronunication is steadily improving, to the point where I can hear how viciously the French language is being murdered by my fellow students, 3 out of 5 of whom are native Spanish speakers. French is a challenge to anyone who speaks Spanish, because many of the articles deceptively look the same. A native Spanish speaker in my class giggles every time he says “elle” in reference to a female, because “el” in Spanish is a man.

Since all the other students are French-speaking novices, I’m totally the smartest person in the class. Plus, all the homework in my workbook is already completed. It’s like I flunked a grade in school. I’m cruising.

Posted in Existence.

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Movie Review: Eastern Promises

Once you get past all the rape, throat-slitting, and the Yakov Smirnoff-quality accents, Eastern Promises is undoubtedly the feel-good Russian Mafia movie of the year. I won’t spoil the ending, but I left the theatre irradiating sublime optimism, however conflicted.

Oh, I jest. I like David Cronenberg. Despite his preoccupation with horrific violence, I feel safe watching his movies, because he may be graphic, but never gratuitous. Every gush of gore, every discharge of blood, every dismemberment happens for a very good reason.

Eastern Promises is a thoroughly delightful tale about a London midwife (Naomi Watts) who delivers the baby of a drug-addicted 14-year old Russian prostitute who dies in childbirth. In a quest to learn more about the baby’s mother, Naomi steals her diary and sets out to have it translated by a kindly Russian grandfather who turns out to be the depraved head of the organized crime family. Along the way, she makes eyes at the irresistable Viggo Mortenson, a driver for the mafia head’s berserk son.

Yeah, it sounds unbelievable, and one would imagine the audience in the movie theatre staring incredulously at the screen, but such is David Cronenberg’s skill that the story is intelligent, plausible, and efficient. Looking back on it now, it feels like entertaining sophistry.

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A Darfur Deferred

On a packed subway platform in Harvard Square, Katie grimaces at her Razr, which is utterly without bars. Then she looks around at the other passengers. One frumpy woman’s visible frustration with the train delay stirs reflexive apathy in Katie, even though she herself is 25 minutes late for drinks with Lana and Jacqui on Newbury Street. If anyone should be spazzing over a late train, it’s her.

But instead, Katie stoically scans the front page of an abandoned New York Times. A small headline at the bottom catches her eye: “Darfur Rebels Kill 10 in Raid of Peace Force.” Darfur! Katie knows all about Darfur, having attended the “Rip the Runway for Darfur” gala in New York last month (sponsored by Level Vodka – here for pictures). Like, she knows it’s pronounced “Dur-four,” not “Da-fer.”

Katie reads the first paragraph: “Hundreds of Darfurian rebels overran an African Union peacekeeping base in the central Darfur region of Sudan in a surprise raid over the weekend, killing at least 10 soldiers, possibly kidnapping dozens more and seizing supplies that included heavy weapons, African Union officials said Sunday.

Kate reads the paragraph again. And then a third time, parsing its meaning within the context of her knowledge about Darfur. She’s confused. Wasn’t the Sudan government the bad guys? So, shouldn’t the rebels be the good guys? But why would the good guys kill the peacekeepers? Then Katie realizes: The peacekeepers are the ones who are supposed to ‘save Durfur’ from all the rape and genocide, and they’re getting killed! If the peacekeepers are killed, then who will ‘save darfur’?

Just then the train came, and Katie squeezes on the car, gripped by sadness. She aches to tell the strangers around her, to raise conscience, about the chaos and hopelessness in Darfur. She wants to – omigod, that girl is carrying the latest Jean Paul Gaultier bag that was featured in Vogue! Katie discreetly assesses the purse’s buttons, belt and buckle on the woven tartan pattern, and is thrilled to be appalled by its gaudiness. What a colossal waste of $1500. She can’t wait to tell Lana and Jacqui.

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Chore Day

Sundays are my favorite chore day. In the bathroom, I waged chemical warfare against mildew for a solid 30 minutes, spraying and scrubbing until I felt whoozy. There’s a good chance that my future offspring will suffer severe chromosomal damage because my bathroom’s exhaust fan couldn’t ventilate a coliseum.

I also vacuumed, which is my favorite chore ever since my father gave me a Dirt Devil for my birthday. I love the name – “Dirt Devil.” There’s something really motivating about imagining myself as dirt’s holy enemy.

Another satisfying chore is sweeping the dead leaves off the balcony. Having been an apartment dweller for all of my adult life, I love having a bit of outdoors to tend to, even if it’s just a second floor, wood-plank balcony. The thought of someday having a leaf-filled yard that requires raking makes me giddy.

I also tackled some digital chores, like cleaning up my hard drive, importing some CDs, and tagging pictures in iPhoto. I played around with the automatic photo enhancement, which, when applied to an over-exposed picture of Mount Washington from last weekend, turned out a garish but appealing alien landscape (shown below).

mtwash05

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