Halloween, Part Two

The song “Halloween” by the Misfits has been stuck in my head all blasted day. It’s not even the well-known polished version from the album, but an alternate outtake from one of the many Misfits compilations that warped my perception of cool and dictated my personal style when I was a teenager. The band sounds half-asleep as they plod through their primitive melodic gloom rock. The microphone was apparently 10 feet from Glen Danzig’s face as he chanted the lyrics, although he is clearly heard to moan the I remember Hal-o-ween-en-en, Hal-o-ween-en-en, Hal-o-ween-en-en, Halloween chorus over and over and over again.

Which is what echoed in my brain all day: Glen Danzig’s lame laments for Hal-o-ween-en-en. Ugh. Quick, someone sing “Monster Mash” or “Thriller.”

Nostalgia can be scary. Pictured to the right, circa 1980, are the Green children prior to some serious guising around the neighborhood. On the left is big brother Brian, Butterfinger aficionado, dressed as… a doctor? The Bionic Man? In the middle is Laurie, the Twix master, as the world’s most anatomically correct Barbie Doll. And on the right is myself, Kit Kat keeper, as one seriously ugly little witch.

greenkidshalloween

Posted in Nostalgia.

Tagged with Family.

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By Meredith – November 1, 2007

Halloween Cheer

This year for Halloween, I am a zombie. A sleep-deprived, stressed out, bagel-eating zombie. Scary.

Mr. P, on the other hand, is an award-winning ‘sexy’ cheerleader. After I convinced him that cross-dressing is an acceptable Halloween tradition, he stunned his office by wearing my old cheerleading costume to a party, and proceeded to take Second Place for Best Costume.

Which is funny, because he doesn’t even have pom-poms. But Mr. P does has great legs…

halloweencheer

Posted in Existence.

Tagged with Holiday.

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By Meredith – October 31, 2007

Hair Apparent

Today I met a certain co-worker in person for the first time. We had talked over the phone roughly a dozen times, so we were openly curious to meet each other.

“Funny, I pictured you as a brunette,” she said over lunch, smiling at my tight blond bun. Generally speaking, I’m buttoned-up, and will only laugh politely or with good reason. I strive to maintain a professional air.

“That’s really funny, because I pictured you as a blond,” I replied, motioning to her neat brown bob. Generally speaking, she’s assertively friendly, always with something to say, with a quick and easy laugh.

It wasn’t until after lunch that the exchange struck me as not so innocent. Did my assumption imply that I thought her dumb? Did her assumption imply that she thought me mousy?

After more analysis, I decided what she meant to say was “Funny, I pictured you ugly,” and what I meant to say was “Funny, I pictured you fat.” (Now that’s a very blond thing to say.)

Posted in The 9 to 5.

Tagged with Etiquette.

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By Meredith – October 30, 2007

Movie Review: The Darjeeling Limited

I swear, I’m the only college-educated liberal of my generation who doesn’t “get” the films of Wes Anderson: Bottle Rocket, Rushmore, The Royal Tenenbaums, The Life Aquatic, and now The Darjeeling Limited. They are all cute collections of likable vignettes featuring oddball characters and poignant slow-motion sequences set to catchy music. The trailers are always so enticing. The tragic elements are always outweighed by some light and satisfying resolution, and I leave the theatre smiling at the world…

But so what? It’s the cultural equivalent of ice cream. Pleasing, indulgent, and rich. It’s yummy and you’ll love it, but you’ll forget about it pretty quickly. The plot is secondary to the visual baubles like Indian cough syrup, poisonous snakes, designer luggage, and peacock feathers. Wes Anderson is a unique director, but he will not stand the test of time.

Then again, what do I know? Martin Scorsese, the Zeus of cinema, is full of praise for Anderson’s “very special kind of talent” for conveying “the simple joys and interactions between people so well and with such richness”. I concur with Scorsese – what choice do I have? But damned if I can remember any of these simple transcendent details a week later.

Posted in Review.

Tagged with Cinema.

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By Meredith – October 29, 2007

City of Thinly-Veiled Disgust

Travel and Leisure magazine surveyed 60,000 travelers about the charms of 25 American cities and released their “America’s Favorite Cities” results.

Although cities are rated on a variety of criteria like friendliness, intelligence, and fun, the category that is grabbing headlines around the world is, inevitably… “Philadelphia is home to the least attractive people in the United States”.

As a Philadelphia native, I really can’t do anything but agree. I mean, why do you think I left? Even the Philadelphians who are attractive have this spurious quality in their comeliness, like it’s a temporary condition that will diminish with each subsequent cheesesteak. It’s like the glare of New Jersey is reflected in the oily, pockmarked sheen of their skin.

But then again, it’s sort of unfair to point at Philadelphia and snort Ugly. I don’t see any cities in Ohio on the list… or Baltimore.

Boston comes off as a total prick of a city, rating high as “intelligent” and “worldly” but low as “fun” and “friendly.” We score high in culture and low in weather and barbecue. Attractiveness, we’re a solid 16… behind Nashville? Oh, that’s defamation.

Posted in In the News.

Tagged with Boston, Pennsylvania.

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By Meredith – October 27, 2007

I’m Number 1!

My morning routine when I get to work is always the same: Check email, check bank account balance, check web site statistics. All three are generally stable and ho-hum. Even my web site statistics have remained same-old-same-old for a long time, with no spikes caused by a virulent trend of search engine traffic.

Until today. This morning there was a huge uptick in traffic from Yahoo. In fact, at 8am, there were 1000s of hits since midnight last night. Huh. That’s weird. What happened last night? Did my ode to beet greens strike a chord among night-owl health fanatics? Have my reviews of perfume samples finally won me fame in China? Did one of my cute kitty photos make Reddit?

Nope, turns out my newfound popularity was coming from… the Red Sox’s World Series victory. Kind of funny, since the only reason I’m celebrating the Red Sox today is because they put a swift end to the foot-dragging baseball season in a city far, far away. Go Sox! Go away!

A page of my pictures from the 2004 World Series Rolling Rally (here) is the top-ranked page in Yahoo for search queries of “red sox parade” in lower-case letters. It’s beating out freaking boston.com in the results ranking (see screenshot below).

As of 4pm Monday, the 2004 Rolling Rally page on my web site received over 4300 hits, because not only is it Yahoo’s number one choice for “red sox parade,” but it’s also pretty high ranked for “red sox peraide,” “red soz parade,” “red sox prade,” and “blow up doll.”

redsoxparadeyahoo

Posted in Miscellany.

Tagged with Baseball.

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By Meredith – October 27, 2007

Can’t Beat Beet Greens

What can be better than beet greens? Of course, it can only be free beet greens!

Yesterday, a kindly vendor at the Boston Public Market handed me a bag full of beet greens after I inquired about the per-pound price of what I thought was swiss chard. “Beet greens? Is it like swiss chard?” I asked. “Yeah, but I think swiss chard is more tender,” he answered. Swiss chard is more tender? Beet greens must be, like, the Mike Tyson of leafy greens.

I tried to pay the vendor, but he waved away my money and told me (with a wink) to come back next week and tell him how I liked them. Wait, are you trying to win my affections by plying me with free beet greens? Do I look that healthy to you?

I know a secret: Any leafy green can be transformed into delicious by being sauteed in olive oil, garlic, onions, cider vinegar and a splash of maple syrup. An accompanying glass of wine is, of course, mandatory.

Mr. Pinault was simply thrilled by the appearance of “tougher than chard” beet greens on the dinner table, although he was suspicious about what I said or did to get them gratis. “Come on, I’d never flirt for beet greens. Tomatoes, berries, and maybe a melon, but not beet greens.”

beetgreens

Posted in Existence.

Tagged with Food.

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By Meredith – October 26, 2007

Aye, Matey, ‘ere’s me tenure?

On Boston.com’s Health section, a picture showed an elderly man with an eye patch, and the teaser said Paul Sally is the 74-year-old “Professor Pirate.” Woah. That’s prime Human Interest content, and I’m human, so of course I clicked on the link to read the article.

The article is a bizarre but moving portrait that mashes the professional accomplishments of a University of Chicago math professor with his tragic physical deformities resulting from diabetes complications, including the loss of his left eye 25 years ago. One day he’s ignoring doctors advice to lower the height of his two prosthetic legs from the unwieldy stature of 6 foot 3 inches…the next day he’s lecturing at MIT about supercuspidal representations of p-adic groups.

Disappointingly, past the teaser, nowhere is the moniker “Professor Pirate” used, although the line “a laugh large enough to make his eye patch dance” more than made up for this omission.

Posted in In the News.

Tagged with Science.

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By Meredith – October 25, 2007

The American Idea

This month, The Atlantic Monthly celebrates a century and a half of noble existence with their 150th anniversary issue. 150 years! Yes, this is a magazine so old that, in its infancy, it published an article called “Ought Women to Learn the Alphabet?” Ha ha ha. It’s hard to be outraged by such quaint grammar.

The issue features dozens of essays from celebrity contributors about “The Future of the American Idea”. The essays range from John Updike’s foreboding literary parallelism (“The American idea, promulgated in a land of plenty, must prepare to sustain itself in a world of scarcity”) to Nancy Pelosi’s political ass-honking (“Young people are engaged in their own dialogue – talking about their hopes for a brighter future and for peace and prosperity”) to Eric Schlosser’s cynical liberalism (“The America I love bears little relation to the freak show now peddled by Hollywood and the cable-news networks”) to Frank Gehry’s cry for attention (“I wonder why great architecture isn’t considered an important shaper of the American Idea.”)

But I agree with regular Atlantic correspondent PJ O’Rourke, who, in the midst of a four-paged crazed riff on a 5,289-paged book of historical US statistics utters a simple truth: “America has a lot of things.” Yes! Yes! The future of the American Idea, like the past of the American Idea, and the present for that matter… involves a lot of things. One Idea, but billions upon billions of things.

Posted in Americana.

Tagged with Media.

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By Meredith – October 24, 2007

Chuckles over Knuckles

I discovered that saying the word “knuckleball” (as in, “The Red Sox knuckleball pitcher isn’t playing in the World Series”) has an interesting effect on Mr. P, who gives a delighted chuckle not unlike the Pillsbury Doughboy when he receives a poke in the stomach.

That’s how we discovered that Mr. P didn’t know what “knuckles” are. It’s an increasingly rare event that he’ll come across an English word that he does not understand, so when it happens, I must exploit:

“Want a knuckle sandwich?” I asked, to which he gamely agreed. Pow. “Wanna play Bloody Knuckles?” I asked, to which he demurred.

It turns out that there is no commonly-used French equivalent of the word knuckle. Like, they’ll say craquer mes doigts (cracking my fingers) or craquer mes jointures (cracking my joints), but don’t use a specific term for the joints of the fingers.

Knuckle is a German-origin word that can also be used as a verb to mean applying oneself industriously to a task. Interestingly, this is another concept for which the French lack a word.