Skip to content


In the News

DOS Boot

Apple’s release of Bootcamp is expected to propel Macs into mainstream usage, but trust me: If I own a Mac, it’s already mainstream. When I tell people about my new Mac, everyone says “Congratulations!” and I smile proudly, humbly, like a new mother. Then they say, “Did you get the new one that runs Windows?” To which I reply, “No, I’m not an early adapter,” and then, realizing I sound lame, add “And I don’t want to spend anymore time using that foul Windows framework than I have to.” Which is true. Norton Antivirus warnings were popping up in my dreams.

Roid Rage

I feel sorry for Barry Bonds, who is facing steroid accusations, possible perjury charges, and “torrents of boos” during games. Like he’s the only baseball player who has used steroids. No, Barry Bonds is an easy target and famous enough warrant tabloidistic news coverage in the respectable media. I saw a headline on CNN TV news: “Bonds claims he is being perscuted by the media.” What do you mean “claims?” The very fact that this claim is splayed across the screen over riveting footage of Bonds at batting practice is indeed evidence of witch-hunting and People magazine-esque dirt digging. I think baseball players on steroids are like anorexic models: Let them damage their health if they want to succeed in their chosen vocation. It’s our fault for being thrilled by the results.

Mouth Wide Shut

Tom Cruise has given his pregnant wife Katie Holmes permission to use pain-killers when she spawns the child that someday, I predict, will amount to nothing. As a Scientologist, Cruise believes in drug-free deliveries that are done in silence. but public outcry in his fan base prompted Cruise to tell Diane Sawyer “The mother makes as much noise … and people… you know, she’s going through it. She does what she’s gotta do. OK?” So if Katie is yelling for an epidural, well, he’ll let her scream. And after the child is weaned, he’ll drag her unfit-mother ass to custody court. Cruise also recently revealed that he was routinely abused by his father, who he called “a merchant of chaos”. Picture a young, sweaty Tom Cruise, defiantly glaring at the man from whom he accepts verbal and physical blows, picking himself up from the floor to which he was pushed and emoting “You merchant of chaos!”

Posted in In the News.

Tagged with , , .