About half the time, my iPod Shuffle is uncannily apt at providing a soundtrack for my current activity: Subversive hard rock when exercising; soothing rock when commuting; and upbeat electronica when generally out and about. Sometimes, the song and activity pairing may initially seem incompatible, but the Shuffle knows it will work. Like when jogging on a windy, misty morning along the Charles, and Mussorgsky’s “Night on Bald Mountain” came on. I almost pushed “Forward” but the apprehensive violins kicked in and the horns belted out the sinister refrain, and my pace picked up as I imagined myself as a medieval royal foot messenger being pursued by an army of hooded barbarians carrying maces and spears. It was pathetically exhilirating.
But the arbitrary shuffling of songs can prove malicious. Yesterday, walking to the laundromat with both hands occupied by a sack of clothes, my Shuffle was pleasantly jamming an Aphex Twin song. Then synthesized pop music fades in:
“Yo, this song goes out to all you sexy girls who push the dim sum carts all over the world… you know who you are, babies… you work so hard and we love you so much…. check it out yo”
Oh no. It’s the Notorious MSG, the Chinatown rap act that’s more NSync than Biggie! And with my hands confined to the task of sack-handling, I was powerless. Oh, Shuffle, must you be so cruel?
“It’s been so long since I’ve seen you smile looking so good coming down that aisle with that sexy dress and a little dim sum makes me crazy when I order chow fun”
Is this a joke? Honestly, I know people write bad lyrics, and Asians are prone to exhibiting cheesiness in their pop culture endeavors, but: Dim sum girl / you really rock my world / I never thought i’d find a girl from northern China / who make me feel so good seems to striving towards a parodic, Weird Al type of humor. But then, the song snaps back into straight sappiness – I don’t wanna live without you dim sum girl / take me away to your dim sum world / I want to hold you / I want to squeeze you / please say you will be mine – all mine – that makes me suspect the Notorious MSG is being sincere.
My ears started to bleed. Thankfully, I arrive at the laundromat, threw my sack of clothes on a washer, and jab furiously at the Shuffle’s wheel. Ah, the Cure. The perfect laundromat music.
