A survey found that men in India have difficulties using condoms that are sized for an international market because the condoms are too big. The survey could have stopped there and left the reader to make the obvious conclusion, but like a mother determined to discuss her teenaged son’s inseam measurements, relentlessly plowed on to scientifically prove that Indian men lack the penal girth to properly use the condoms that were designed for the world’s average man.
I first read about this on the BBC, of all places, which reported the story in its typically staid fashion: Indian men are smaller, measurements were taken, and if you think for a minute we’re being gleeful, we hasten to remind you that this inadequacy results in condom failure, which leads to AIDS and unplanned pregnancy, which is legitimate news that necessitates us making a public proclamation about India’s penis size.
Then, bizarrely, the story appeared on the local news – at 6pm! It was even used throughout the broadcast as a teaser: “Coming up next, why men in India have trouble using condoms.” Mr. Pinault and I howled fiendishly, imagining all our Indian neighbors hastily turning off the news so their families wouldn’t be forced to contemplate their patriarch’s shortcomings. But for non-Indian men, it was a feel good story, like being in an international locker room.
