One of Kerry Healey’s last acts as Massachusetts Lieutenant Governor was to officially declare me a champion, which is pretty sweet of her, considering I once officially declared her a bitch. Yes, the entire town of Natick can boost of being legislated champions, now that the State acknowledges our slogan “Home of Champions”, coined when Natick’s firefighters apparently won the 1891 National Hook and Ladder competition. (I can’t find any substantiating evidence that there was such a competition, let alone that Natick firemen were the champions, but since no other town has claimed they won the 1891 National Hook and Ladder competition…)
The same ‘champion nickname’ bill also recognizes Brockton as the ‘City of Champions’… a most charitable designation. Brockton has masqueraded as champions for the past 50 years, refusing to bow to Natick’s prior claim on the moniker. Brockton feels that they are a city of champions because of two boxers, Rocky Marciano and ‘Marvelous’ Marvin Hagler. I’m sorry, but rearing two men who were notable for their ability to punch another human being unconscious hardly qualifies the whole town as champions.
The pride in our 1891 fire company’s exploits has not diminished with time or obsolescence, because champions are not born, they are inspired by the traditions of their community to triumph. Here’s enduring proof that Natick’s nickname ‘Home of Champions’ is no mere political patronage:
* Champion shoppers: The glorious Natick Mall was the first indoor mall in the Boston area, opening in 1966. The mall is currently undergoing expansion plans that will make it the 12th largest mall in the country. Those who would refute this feat as a consequence of Natick being the retail dumping ground of NIMBY richies in Wellesley and Newton should be reminded that a little-known prerequisite to being a champion is living within walking distance to a Neiman Marcus and Nordstroms.
* Champion demographic curio: Natick is the center of population in Massachusetts, a feat achieved by no other town in the entire state.
* Champion corporate flunkies: Natick is prime land for farms… cubicle farms, that is. As evidenced by the number of world-renown companies that are headquartered in Natick – BJ’s Wholesale, Cognex, MathWorks, Boston Scientific – our educated, obedient workforce wins a blue ribbon.
* Champion cobblers: Some of the greatest people ever have lived in Natick – Harriet Beecher Stowe, Doug Flutie, John O’Hurley (Peterman in Seinfeld), Rob Patterson (current guitarist for Korn)… Perhaps the most illustrious was Henry Wilson, the ‘Natick Cobbler’ who became US Vice President under Ulysses S. Grant. From cobbler to Vice President – he must have made some pretty great shoes.
