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Great Moments in Personal Hygiene

After reaping a bonanza of new products from holiday gift-giving with which to sanitize, hydrate, exfoliate, deodorize, clarify, repair, ameliorate, penetrate, and generally beautify her external anatomy, our Heroine, dazzled by the array of bottles on her bathroom vanity and blinded by fresh steam from her shower, seizes a vial of moisturizer to daub on her rawly-shaven legs, after which she perceives a dull stinging that crescendos into searing distress, upon which it is discovered that the moisturizer is actually a non-organic thickening hair serum that is clotting her leg’s blood vessels so that the ivory white skin erupts into a rash of thrombus.

She bites her lip, bravely endures.

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