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When I Grow Up, I Want to be a War Czar

A few months ago, Bush realized that the whole Iraq and Afghanistan thing was going badly because… no one was managing it! There was no ‘one guy’ who was aligning the goals and philosophies across scores of turf-conscious military and government agencies. Even worse, people were blaming Bush himself, as if Bush were somehow responsible. As if Bush were, like, the Commander-in-Chief who is bound by the US Constitution to manage the wars that he declares. Hell, Bush is just tired of dealing of the whole mess. Hence… a War Czar is born!

After at least three retired four-star generals ran screaming from the proposed position, today it was announced that three-star General Douglas Lute accepted. Bush describes Lt. Gen. Lute as “a tremendously accomplished military leader who understands war and government and knows how to get things done”, which is high praise… if it came from nearly anyone but Bush.

Analysts describe Lute as being “skeptical” of the troop surge and in favor of diplomatic resolution as opposed to military build-up. So Bush scoured the top ranks of the Pentagon, and ended up with a no-name three-star general who doesn’t even agree with him! But it’s a Catch-22, isn’t it? Bush needed someone crazy enough to take the job and support Bush’s vision, but anyone that crazy couldn’t qualify for the job.

Posted in In the News.

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