The genesis of this article about a family struggling with the anger and devastation wrought by pumpkin thieves, probably began when the ever-vigilant reporter spotted the admonishing handwritten sign on their lawn – To whoever stole my kid’s pumpkins! Thanks for ruining his Halloween you jerk! He grew them himself!.
“Hmm… my journalist instincts tell me there’s a story behind this,” the reporter thought as he reached for his cell phone to alert the news desk at the Press and Sun-Bulletin of Greater Binghamton, NY.
A total of eight pumpkins, grown by 10-year old Dylan on his grandmother’s farm, were stolen from the front porch, and neighbors reported seeing “remains” further done the street. The police sheriff seems nonplussed, saying “you think it’s safe on your porch — it’s not.” The family, who “loves pumpkin seeds,” obviously needed some way to vent their rage… so the sign went up. “I wanted the people who did it to know that I was ticked,” said the father. The sign might make the family feel better, but it will probably make the criminals feel even better. Because petty mischief is only truly rewarding when it senselessly hurts someone’s feelings.
Every year, the backlash against Halloween mischief increases. Being scared on Halloween is sort of the point, but we’d rather be scared of witches and ghosts then be forced to confront our real demons: American teenagers. Many towns impose a curfew on teenagers, and some urge merchants to “refuse sale of such items as shaving cream and eggs to minors.” Would-be vandals are warned that they will be prosecuted “to the fullest extent of the law”. In Texas, pet owners are encouraged to keep their animals, especially black cats, indoors in order to thwart that seasonal urge to inflict animal cruelty.
The public panic and efforts to sterilize our funnest holiday are scary enough, but no phenomenon sounds Halloween’s death knell like “malloweens,” when flourescent-lit shopping centers in sprawled communities hand out candy to trick-or-treaters and entice their parents to shop. Sounds really spooky.
