Skip to content


Strong Opinions about Salad

The days grow sultrier, clothing turns lightweight and revealing, and the lunchtime salad line at Cosi approaches absurd lengths. Even brute males are joining the female leafy green stalwarts in a bid to cool their core temperatures and slacken their caloric intake. The allure of a customized Cosi salad is such that many wait upwards of 20 minutes without being tempted to grab one of the pre-made grape and gorgonzola monstrosities or to duck into the sandwich line.

The two young women in front of me hold strong opinions about salad. I mean, they’ve obviously done research. “The Bombay Chicken salad is good, but I sub the red onions with beans,” says the blond.

“They let you do that? Do they charge extra?” asks the brunette. “I mean, are beans considered a ‘protein’?”

“No, only meat is a protein. I mean, beans are more a carb, anyway. I gotta have beans, or I get hungry an hour later and start looking for candy.”

“I know what you mean. Like, I never get a fat-free dressing, ” says the brunette.”You gotta have fat in the dressing. But it has to be fat from an oil-based vinaigrette, not fat from a creamy dressing, like a Caesar salad.”

“I hate the Caesar salad,” declared the blond. “It’s like eating a stick of butter. Yeech.”

“I never get it,” says the brunette primly.

“Sharon gets it all the time. Did you ever notice how, when fat people order a salad, it’s always a Caesar? And they wonder why they’re still fat?” They giggle. They are both sticks. They are both bags of bones and proud of it.

“Do you get the baby spinach or the mesclun?” asks the brunette.

“Spinach,” says the blond without hesitation.

“Me too!” They both order Bombay chicken salads, with baby spinach, no red onions, add cannellini beans, with shallot sherry vinaigrette.

“Oh, add pears on mine, please,” calls the brunette at the last minute. “I have a craving for fruit!” The blond bristles at the sudden relative lack of her salad’s healthfulness. Such is summertime in the Cosi salad line.

Posted in Existence.

Tagged with , .