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The Real World, Mars Edition

In Moscow, six men from Russia, Europe, and China are preparing to be locked up in an isolated and confined space for the next 520 days during with they will conduct countless scientific experiments. It sounds like some wacky, Soviet-style reality TV show plot, but no, this is a simulation that will test how humans would cope with the mental and physical demands of what is now a wholly theoretical space mission to Mars (here). Sort of putting the cart before the horse, but whatever, this sounds like a good time.

What would you do in the days before you were to be locked up in a mock spacecraft with five strangers of the same gender for the next 520 days? Me, I would roll around in a grassy field and bask in the sun, like a dog. Then I’d go on a chocolate, cheese, and unoaked chardonnay binge. After some flagrantly quality time with Mr. P, I’d smoke a pack of cigarettes, since there’s no opportunity for me to get addicted. Finally, I’d go to some type of a major league sporting event in order to nurse loathing for the common man and his crude, hollow pursuits — a Jets home game would be perfect. Only then would I be ready for the Mars endurance experiment.

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