The food critic for the New York Times wrote a short droll piece about the “patronizing language” used by restaurant staff, typified by “off-kilter pronouns” like frequent use of third-person, “hoary courtesies” like ‘madam’ and ‘pardon,’ and the “semantic pox” that is the word ‘enjoy’: “How are we enjoying things so far?”
I applaud the NY Times for giving attention to this issue. Truly, they are doing a public service for diners who have had it with polite waiters.
Why, just last week, Mr. Pinault and I went to Applebees to use a gift card generously given to us by my father. There’s not too many Applebees in Massachusetts, but there is one in Quincy, not far from the Blue Hills Reservation. So, after a morning of hiking, we arrived at Applebees, famished.
The waitress was overly-attentive from the start. She carefully explained the menu: “These are our appetizers… burgers… steaks,” she said as she pointed to the menu sections respectively labeled “Appetizers” “Burgers” “Steaks” in big bubble-letters. She lauded our selections, saying “Oh, the staff just loves the ciabatta sandwiches! We’re so excited about them!” She repeated our orders twice and came back to verify my french fry seasoning preference.
Our sandwiches arrived in about five minutes, and appeared to have been assembled by a one-armed monkey. I have never eaten a sandwich that tasted so purely of mayonnaise. Still, hunger drove us to quickly demolish the food. “Well, it looks like someone enjoyed their lunch!” the waitress said, beaming at our near-empty plates. Something about the maternal way she said it just made me want to archly snarl “Who, bitch? Who enjoyed their lunch?” I think the food critic at the NY Times knows what I’m talking about.
