Metro is a free daily paper distributed in Boston and other urban areas around the world, typically ones that have public transportation hubs teeming with commuters too cheap to buy a real paper ( or “young and ambitious professionals” – here). It provides general news in easily-digestible tidbits (“fits into a 15-minute read”), sloppy copy-editing (“proudly urban attitude and style”), and cheap, finger-staining ink.
The Boston Metro is widely available in newstands, but during rush hours, strategically-placed human hawkers offer copies to the commuters pouring in and out of busy subway stations. Since the Metro is free, it relies heavily on the hawkers to keep those circulation numbers high for advertising revenue.
So how do the Metro hawkers convince people to take possession of such a crappy paper? Well, Metro hawkers are a pretty scruffy bunch. I’ve never seen one Metro hawker who doesn’t give the appearance of being flagrantly mentally incapicitated or homeless. Some of them act just batshit. The top five scary and/or obnoxious Metro hawkers who I come in contact are:
1. The man who repeatedly groans “Tro Tro Tro…” without even insinuating an M
2. The man who throws in the occasional mention of Jesus Christ
3. The woman who squawks “Metro it’s free!” in a hysterical monotone
4. The man who stares, stone-faced and mute
5. The man who kinda sings, kinda pleads “Get on the Metro, get on the Metro, get on the Metro…” as he bobs to and fro in an uneven cadence
