I’m still combing through this web site’s archives in search of posts for my planned Best-of feature. I’m only about 20% done, but this process is proving to be most enlightening. My first realization was: Holy crap, I’ve written a lot of words for little recognition and no money! Luckily, my second realization mitigated this outrage: My writing style is honed and toned to the bone (I just made that up, and then Googled it to certify its originality. Proof positive!)
You know those Before & After pictures of people who’ve lost hundreds of pounds? In 2003, my writing weighed 400 pounds. It was sluggish, lethargic, and couldn’t scale a single flight of stairs without panting. Here’s a post, in its entirety, from October 13, 2003:
Happy Columbus Day. Of course, it would be a much happier Columbus Day if I didn’t have work. It’s like I’m freaking Bob Cratchit. At least the commute is smooth and I don’t have to deal with the Tuesday morning after a three day weekend. Those are brutal.
Omigod, how flabby is that writing? But I wrote every day, and pound by pound, my writing slimmed down to a svelte 140 pounds. It’s confident, energetic, and enjoying life. From March 20, 2006, here’s a review of the men’s fragrance Voyage by Nautica:
Though the name implies adventure and exploration, this generic marine scent is strictly for a routine day at office. If you close your eyes and let the odor waft deep into your nostril, you can pretend you’re on a 46 foot cruising yacht, the sea water misting onto your Helly Hanson offshore jacket while you gaze at the expansive ocean in Yves Saint Laurent Aviator sunglasses and nurse a Smirnoff Lime and Cola. But open your eyes. You’re staring at an Excel spreadsheet while the guy in the next cubicle clips his fingernails and munches on peanut M and Ms, and you smell like generic aspirational tedium.
Yes, it took a lot of hard work, but my writing finally feels confident and sexy in a swimsuit.
