Yeah, I know it sounds like a bad idea, but M. is a very esteemed acupuncturist who practices out of an alternative health hub in Cambridge, and she’s only discounted for 3 treatments because I was referred by another patient. “I tend to get whoozy in medical situations,” I admit to M. when we’re discussing my health history prior to the treatment. “And I’ve got a thing about needles.” It seems an absurd thing to say to the person who I’m paying to stick filiform stainless steel needles into my body, so I quip “Can acupuncture fix that?”
M. laughs, which is a good sign, because I really couldn’t cope with a stern acupuncturist. After 30 minutes of talking about my health, M. examined my tongue and took my pulse (two important diagnostics in Chinese medicine) and then eased me towards the table. I laid face-up and stared avidly at the ceiling. “Take a deep breath and I’ll insert when you exhale,” M. said. I didn’t feel the first ones go into my knees. She moved down to my feet, which stung a bit, and then my wrists, which were the most bothersome. After verifying I was okay, M. left me alone in the room.
The temptation to look at the needles that were sticking out of my body was overpowering, but I decided against it, at least for the first treatment. My body was tense, so I took deep breaths and thought about calming things. I thought about kneading bread, hiking mountains, laying in bed on a cold night with a book, the satisfaction of completing a particularly witty blog post. I thought about Mr. Pinault mistakenly referring to his socks as his “sockets,” as in “I slept with my sockets on.”
Towards the end of the 30 minute treatment, I began to feel odd. I had expected to feel relaxed, maybe even sleepy, but instead my body and mind were blurrily buzzing. I felt half hyper, half foggy. I wondered if this was my vital energy, my qi, being brought into balance… or if it was my body producing endormorphins and other hormones to deal with the sudden appearace of these invasive objects. After M. removed the needles, I was overjoyed that I had finished my first acupuncture session without fainting. If acupuncture cures me of nothing else, at least it will assist with my belonephobia (fear of needles).
