Now that the media has proclaimed the era of vulgar excess is over, I feel a little less goody-goody about shaking my head and chuckling over some of the crazy things that we’ve witnesses in the past decade. CEOs receiving annual salaries of $54 million. Secretaries carrying $500 Coach purses. 10-year olds strutting around in $200 Ugg boots. Construction workers getting weekly hand facials. Families with bad credit and/or annual incomes of $45K getting $300,000 mortgages. Absurd.
But, perhaps nothing epitomized unbridled American exuberance like the Hummer.
Originally designed in the 1980s for the military to transport personnel and light cargo, the Hummer became repurposed for a variety of uses, such as carrying missiles, moving howitzers, launching grenades, providing armored security on the front lines, and transporting American civilians through the tumultous streets of their suburban and urban environs. “It’s time to take Janie to her ballet class. I’ll start the Hummer.”
The Hummer became a status symbol among the elite class and the wanna-bes. There are a multitude of theories as to which personality disorder would sway a person to sink $60k into this most un-civic of all road vehicles: Schizoid satisfaction of seeing all other cars shirk from the Hummer’s path… Paranoid fears of domestic terrorism… Anxious doubts about one’s adequacy as a human being… Sadistic thoughts of flattening another car in the event of an accident… Sociopathic pride in the Hummer’s dismal fuel economy (comparable to a muscle car with a leaky fuel tank) which asserts the owner’s largess and dominance over nature.
But then oil prices went up, the Dow Jones went down, and the novelty of commandeering a tank in a supermarket parking lot wore thin. General Motors, who acquired the right to market and distribute the Hummer brand in 1998 under recently-fired CEO Rick Wagoner’s stunningly inept leadership that has lead to more than $73 billion in losses, promised the Federal Government that it would get rid of the Hummer brand, either by letting Hummer die or by selling the brand. GM is expected to announce the Hummer’s fate tomorrow.
Speaking of Hummers, the New York Times reported today that the Hummer is enjoying popularity in Iraq, news that didn’t surprise me until I learned it’s not just because of the perceived protection from roadside bombs. Apparently, in Iraq, manliness is measured by the size of a man’s car. I guess some things are universal like that.
