When we were in Spain and unable to access internet or American-centric news, my requisite first-few-days of media withdrawal coincided with the Vice President debate. “How do you think Biden did?” I would ask Mr. Pinault anxiously. He would reassure me that there’s no way Sarah Palin could verbally out-wrangle Joe Biden, but what Mr. Pinault hasn’t comprehended is how pre-election debates function less as a demonstration of substance and more as a show of character. I pictured Joe Biden holding his credentialed fury in check so as not to risk appearing like a chauvinistic asshole, and I pictured Sarah Palin spurting her twangy charismatic soundbites to the delight of a nation.
But lately it appears that the gulf of public opinion regarding Sarah Palin is widening. On one side, there are people who are so repelled and offended by Sarah Palin that they can’t even laugh at her Saturday Night Live parodies. On the other side, there are adoring nutjobs who believe that Sarah Palin is the reincarnation of the biblical Queen Esther.
One of Palin’s latest gaffes involves remarks that she made in North Carolina, praising the “hard-working, very patriotic, um, very, um, pro-America areas of this great nation”. Palin later apologized for how her babbling remarks were “misunderstood” as implying that there are un-pro-America areas of this great nation, but you know what? I think she’s onto something. If “pro-America” means that you are “for America” in that you support what America is doing, you agree with its policies, and you think the world would be a better place if everyone just shut the fuck up and let America be America… then I guess, yeah, neither me nor the majority of New England is pro-America.
But I’m hardly anti-America. I do have a profound affection for America and for its ideals. I love its diversity, its opportunities, its energy. In fact, I spend a great deal of time defending America from the attacks of that Frenchman who has invaded my life. “Why are American cars so big? Why is America’s health care system so expensive and inefficient? Why are children in school for only six hours a day? Why does it cost more to take a train to Philadelphia than it does to fly? Why does my fist fit into this kiddie-sized ice cream dish? Why do Americans think it’s a God-given right to buy and carry assault weapons? Why do they keep showing this Viagra commercial while we’re watching football?” And on these and practically every other social, cultural, and political issue that comes up, I try to defend my country, despite the fact that America is consistently indefensible.
So I can’t call myself “Pro-America,” and I can’t call myself “Anti-America.” There has to be another prefix out there for Americans like me who love to hate and hate to love America… like contramerica? disamerica? misamerica? paramerica? hypo-america? malamerica? (Have I veered too far from the stark “pro-anti” containers that Americans prefer and into elitist intellectual jabber?)
